IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,
due to
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 improvements in science,
people
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 have higher expectations from their governments. One of these expectations is the search for life on other
planets
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.
However
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, some
people
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 believe that
this
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 is just a waste of public money and there are multiple
problems
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 that we should focus on,
instead
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 of
this
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. There are a variety of reasons that may lead
people
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 to need to find other
planets
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 for life on. One of the major causes can be pollution
due to
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 the increase in the number of manufacturers. To illustrate, the huge quantity of carbon emissions from manufacturers has increased more and more over the years and
people
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 can not endure the carbon emissions because of their impact on health.
For example
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, the diseases caused by these emissions threaten our lives and our environment.
In addition
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 to, the war and racism among the population
it’s
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 a phenomenon that has been for a long time and
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it’s continues
Change the verb form
it continues
show examples
 until nowadays. It occurs for multiple reasons including skin colour, nationality, or family background.
However
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, I think
it’s
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 happened because of the lack of knowledge and education.
According to
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 the other opinion,
it’s
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 true
that is
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 a waste of public funds because
problems
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 and challenges happen everywhere and we must learn how to solve them
instead
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 of running away to other
planets
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. So even if we find another planet to live on of course we will face several
problems
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 and we can not run again to new
planets
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.
Therefore
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, we should know how we deal with our
problems
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 and solve them to save our planet. In conclusion, I strongly believe that we don’t need to find other
planets
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. We can make Earth safer and better if we improve it and find safe alternatives to things that harm our planet.

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task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument and presented your own opinion, which is good. However, your points could be developed further with more specific examples and details to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but some parts lack clear connections between ideas. Try to use more linking words and phrases to make the flow of your writing smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both sides of the issue, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
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