IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that
both
Use synonyms
 sides of students, male and female ought to be accepted by the Universities in all directions of the sphere of education. I strongly support
this
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 viewpoint and in
this
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 essay, I will attempt to provide an explanation.
To begin
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 with, it is essential to realize that the current society is going to improve gender equality. In order to nurture the new modern generation, the government has to give the opportunity for education to
both
Use synonyms
 men and women at the same level.
For instance
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,
according to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
up-to-date research, it is observed that women’s brains might be more plastic in the learning process in comparison with men’s brains.
Therefore
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, it is strategically vital to provide equal rights for women to study new professions.
Furthermore
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, I firmly believe that providing an equal quantity of scholarships for
both
Use synonyms
 sides in the Universities can positively influence society and increase the development of the communication skills of the young generation.
For instance
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, it is a normal process to have a plethora of practice in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication between two genders. Indeed, it will be a beneficial step for the learners to improve their leadership skills as well,
due to
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 the fact that they can overcome some difficulties in communication in the younger period and be stronger. In summary, the current world claims us to take action promptly and sharply, in order to receive great professional achievements.
For
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this
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 reason, it can be possible just in the case if our contemporary society will provide the equal right to education to
both
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 men and women
accordingly
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.

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Task Achievement
To elevate your score further, provide more diverse and specific examples that directly support your main argument. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider diversifying your linking phrases and transition words to make the flow between ideas even smoother. While your essay has a good logical structure, varying your connectors can enhance readability and sophistication.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint, effectively setting the stage for your argumentation.
Coherence and Cohesion
You successfully maintain a logical structure throughout the essay, which makes your argument easy to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your key points, reinforcing your initial argument and clearly outlining your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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