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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #television #influences #behavior #amount #time
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Nowadays,
TV
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 is an important part of
children
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 and they spend a great deal of
time
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 watching its
programs
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. Some people claim that the
content
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 of
TV
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programs
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 influences
children
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's behaviour the most.
Nevertheless
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, another group of people oppose them and imply that the duration of watching
TV
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 is more determinative. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both perspectives and at
last
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, I will express my opinion. In past,
children
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 used to play a lot of games together.
However
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, with the advent of
TV
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, they spend a lot of
time
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 watching several
programs
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 on
TV
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. People who think the duration is more important believe that devoting a lot of
time
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 to
TV
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programs
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 hinders their activities and makes
children
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 more introverted. In the long run, it can cause numerous mental and physical disorders.
For example
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, scientific research has proved that obesity in
children
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 is one of the consequences of sitting for long hours in front of a
TV
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 even the lack of enough interaction with others can bring about depression.
However
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, despite the opinion of the above group, the other group recognizes the
content
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 of
TV
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programs
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 as the main influential motivator of
children
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's deeds. They easily are influenced by characters or heroes watching
TV
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 and they will try to imitate their actions. These role models can wreak havoc in their lives.
Furthermore
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, the values induced by
TV
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 may affect other training and education that are taught by their parents and educators.
For instance
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, if a child find one as their idol, they believe what that idol says or does.
To conclude
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 the aforementioned material,
Although
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 both the amount of
time
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 and the
content
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 of
TV
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programs
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 are mediating how
children
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 behave, I must admit that the
content
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 of
TV
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programs
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 can outweigh the duration and parents should meticulously investigate what their kids watch on
TV
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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supporting arguments
Try to provide specific examples to back up your arguments. While your essay mentions scientific research regarding the impact of TV watching on obesity, incorporating a specific study or statistic could enhance the argument.
sentence structure
Consider varying your sentence structures to add complexity and fluency to your writing. While your essay is well-structured, the use of more complex sentences could enhance readability and interest.
grammar
Be mindful of slight grammatical inaccuracies and ensure that the subject-verb agreement is consistent throughout the essay.
tone
Ensure to maintain a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid colloquial expressions or overly general statements that might undermine the formality of the academic writing.
task response
You have effectively discussed both views in a balanced manner, demonstrating an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs for each view and a logical flow of ideas.
conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay's main points and provides a reasoned opinion, which is commendable.
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