IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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In recent times, some university
students
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 would rather learn different
subjects
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 except the main course,
while
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 some others
lay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
claim that it is not necessary to be taught a variety of topics. The in-depth analysis in the following paragraphs intends to
discusse
Correct your spelling
discuss
 why
this
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 essay considers learning a variety of
subjects
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 beneficial for
students
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. Giving all the time and attention to one subject to be successful in it could be beneficial because of all the concentration that
students
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 give to that lesson. It means that they might be absolutely professional in it and be the best expert in a specific field.
Whereas
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, not only some
subjects
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 apart from the main courses could be useful, but
also
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 they might assist
students
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 in getting the exact meaning of the main subject better. Take literature as an example,
this
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 subject may help pupils to be more productive in their writing and speaking of the main lesson, so the importance of literature cannot be neglected.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 learning some other
subjects
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 might cause university
students
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 to lose their concentration and be unable to focus on their main fields, it could be completely beneficial for them to be taught some other valuable
skills
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such
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 as life
skills
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 which are definitely helpful for their daily routine life.
For example
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, some individuals are not aware of the advantages of studying mathematics.
This
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 means that
this
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 topic assists people to promote and sharpen some
skills
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such
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 as critical thinking
as well as
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 problem-solving
skills
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, so these would improve their ability in their main courses too. After scrutinizing both sides, what can be concluded is that
although
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 college pupils might lose their concentration by learning other
subjects
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, having some courses
in addition
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 to the main course would be noticeably advantageous

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task achievement
Be sure to address the question directly and develop your answer fully. Your essay touches on the key points but would benefit from clearer, more explicit statements of your position and a more detailed explanation of your reasoning.
coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a logical structure and relevant main points, aim to enhance the clarity and unity of your ideas. Use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is thoroughly developed.
task achievement
Although you provided examples, incorporating more specific and relevant examples can strengthen your argument. Examples should clearly support your main points and be directly linked to your opinion on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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