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Band 7.5

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What is the reason ? What can be done to resolve this problem?

#quality #life #cities #reason
It is argued that the standard of living in conurbations is reported declining. From
this
 writer’s point of view, the root cause for
this
 is the booming
population
 yet it can be tackled by the government imposing tighter family planning. The fundamental cause of the decrease in living conditions is the high level of
population
. It must be acknowledged that the booming
population
 cause a soaring demand for private vehicles
as well as
 facilities and amenities in some aspects
such
 as medical, education or entertainment.
Furthermore
, the majority of people in
this
 day and age are more likely to lack awareness and knowledge in protecting the environment and infrastructures, they tend to dump or some industries evacuate unprocessed waste into rivers and the environment.
As a consequence
, the standard of living is influenced in a negative way, which leads to the loss of natural habitat and biodiversity. Take Vietnam as a contextual example here, where the excessive rate of personal transport is increasing owing to the higher
population
 density, which is prone to air pollution and
also
 decreases the quality of life.
However
, a solution can be found in government action. The most effective approach is to impose and conduct family planning.
In other words
, the authorities should pay more attention to birth control and take action in fertility control.
Moreover
, the government should encourage schools to deliver sex education lectures
as well as
 some contraception methods towards younger generations.
This
 situation leads to the prevention of a booming
population
 in the future and youngsters may have an accurate awareness of giving birth when they get married.
Therefore
, it can be seen that the decline in the standard of living stems from the high rate of
population
 density.
Thus
, it should have been demonstrated that urgent action needs to be taken in the form of enhancement of family planning.
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task achievement
You've done a good job addressing the topic comprehensively and providing clear, relevant solutions. Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs and a smooth flow of ideas. To improve further, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
To enhance your essay further, consider exploring a wider range of solutions and discussing the potential challenges and benefits of implementing these solutions in more detail.
task achievement
Effective introduction of the topic and a clear statement of your viewpoint.
task achievement
Solid main points supported by the discussion of consequences and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main arguments and reiterates the importance of the proposed solution.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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