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Writing Samples
Band 7

Although family is a powerful influence on child's life, it is also influenced from outside the home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are common beliefs
such
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 as
mostof
Correct your spelling
most of
 the impact on youth's life is taken from family
while
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 others think that there is
also
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 a significant influence from beyond the home. I completely agree with
this
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 statement.
Firstly
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, the education system is an essential contributor to the kid's way of life. As a part of the educational organisations' schools and kindergartens have their own programs to create particular knowledge, behaviours and skills in the pupils.
Furthermore
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,
besides
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 spending a great amount of
time
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 in school youngsters
also
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 have given a number of home tasks that keep them busy during the rest of the day.
For example
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, my nephew studied in the middle school. Before we almost every day keep in touch with each other and spent
time
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 together, but now
due to
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 his density of study curriculum he even cannot find
time
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 to talk with his parents. Sometimes it seems like he does not want to speak at all.
Secondly
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, the social environment is another important factor that has an influence on young people's lives. The neighbourhood in which kids live , the people that they contact and the friends that they play and interact with on a daily basis can determine the way in which they live. On top of that, there is
also
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 multimedia that has another gradually growing impact on kids' behaviour. Everyone can admit that social media with strong influencers has already taken over even adult audiences and it's a matter of
time
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 before they come to children.
For instance
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, the school where I work currently, cannot be proud of its pupils' behaviours, because smoking is widespread among the students. To my mind,
this
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 condition appeared directly mimicked
from
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by
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 local grown-ups and social media. In conclusion,
although
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 the family can control the child's behaviour, it cannot be the main factor in determining how the children live. There are literacy system and surroundings which has a powerful impact on the kids.

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Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of spelling, grammar, and punctuation. While minor inaccuracies are considered, ensuring proper use can enhance the clarity of your essay.
Specific Examples
Clarify and elaborate on your main points with more specific examples. Doing so will strengthen your argument and enhance the essay's persuasiveness.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Addressing the Prompt
Make sure to directly address the prompt in your introduction and conclusion to anchor your essay's argument clearly.
Introduction & Conclusion
The essay provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, such as the impact of schools and social media, effectively supports your main points.
Logical Structure
Your essay exhibits a logical structure, making it easy to follow your reasoning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • norms
  • emotional support
  • peer groups
  • social development
  • identity formation
  • intellectual growth
  • value system
  • perceptions
  • worldview
  • cultural assimilation
  • societal expectations
  • extracurricular activities
  • self-esteem
  • negative influences
  • well-rounded
  • external factors
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