IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
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There are some parts of the community who consider that research on
animals
Use synonyms
 is bad and should be banned.
Conversely
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, any essential scientific discoveries would be made from
animals
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’ tests being a reason for others. Personally, even though the latter statement seems beneficial, it should implemented under the supervision of the stakeholders to make sure it still running in a good way. On the one hand, there are a high number of criminal cases
due to
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 the high intensity of animal investigation. Currently, investigation of medical output leads to high numbers of extinction of some endangered
species
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as a result
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 of over-exploitation of the
species
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 like Javanese Rhinoceros as it thought some part of their body could be beneficial for medication. In order to minimize
this
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, strict regulations to limit
animals
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 as experimentation objects should be implemented to make sure that these
species
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 can survive and be sustainable.
On the other hand
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, the investigation of
animals
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also
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 contributed some positive aspects. Nowadays, we are facing a high quantity of endangered
species
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, and scientific experiments are the most viable solution. Through
this
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 approach, we could learn many aspects
such
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 as diet behaviour, health condition, or even breed cycle of these
animals
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, like on sea
turtle
Fix the agreement mistake
turtles
show examples
 that have been implemented for the past two decades.
Furthermore
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, the result of
this
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 experiment
also
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 gives a better solution for any issue that farmers often face in their cultivation.
Furthermore
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, we can ensure the stability and sustainability of some
species
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, but
also
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 improve cultivation products to support our lives. Taking everything into account, it seems to me that animal experimentation does not always lead to a destructive environment, as long as it is implemented under good regulation and supervision.
Instead
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 of totally banning animal research, we could ensure the sustainability of some endangered
species
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 or even improve our local farming outputs.
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task achievement
Try to introduce a wider range of specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning additional scientific breakthroughs achieved through animal experimentation could enrich your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the coherence of your arguments. For instance, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your ideas flow logically throughout the essay.
task achievement
Elaborate more on the alternatives to animal experimentation to provide a balanced view as required by the task prompt. Detailing how these alternatives could potentially replace animal testing can strengthen your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the two sides of the argument and presents a clear stance.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion nicely sums up your points and reinforces your stance, providing a strong ending to the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your arguments are generally clear and address the prompt comprehensively, demonstrating your ability to convey complex ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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