IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that free housing should be provided by the government for the under-privileged and people who cannot afford to buy a house. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #government #house
It is the duty of the government to give the right to own a house for
people
 in need without any type of payment, some
people
 believe.
While
 others think that it is unfair to own a house without deserving it by working hard. Both cases have valid points from their point of view in a sense. Life is not fair sometimes, not everyone is born in a wealthy household.
Therefore
, they must deserve wealth and money by working hard,
while
 lucky
ones
 get what they want effortlessly. Rarely, even hard work does not work out and get you to a deserved position as well. In that case, it would be nice to provide a house to the
people
 who deserve and need it and fulfil some specific requirements.
Such
 as a homeless person who does not negatively affect anyone in any way. There are
also
people
 who do not deserve to be helped and supported since they are malicious and make
people
 uncomfortable and irritated by stealing, hurting innocent folks or even staring at their loved
ones
 in a bad way. So, these malicious and disappointing human beings make
people
 in need suffer as themselves rather than improve mentally and deserve some help. There are
people
 in need and they separate in half, with them being the
ones
 who deserve to be helped and the
ones
 who should be crawling. In
this
 situation, what government should do is disqualify some of them by requiring some
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 and giving the qualified
ones
 a chance to start a new life. I strongly agree that
people
 in need are
also
 a part of our society and should be helped if possible.
Submitted by sonatakcaa on

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Task Achievement
Your essay engagingly addresses the prompt, delving into the nuances of the issue. You could strengthen your argument by clearly stating your position in the introduction and consistently maintaining it throughout.
Task Achievement
Integrate a variety of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance clarity and articulation of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are more distinct and clearly state your thesis and summarise your argument respectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphing effectively to separate distinct ideas, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay explores both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You display an ability to engage with complex ideas, showing analytical thought.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, though they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical progression of ideas with some coherence, but could benefit from more explicit connectors and smoother transitions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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