IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

these dayes it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Owing to the improvement of transportation, it is much easier for many
people
Use synonyms
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 to different countries nowadays than in the past.
Although
Linking Words
 the convenience of
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 allows tourists to
experience
Use synonyms
 different
cultures
Use synonyms
 more easily, I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits because it can cause serious environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
 and disturb local residents. First of all, the main disadvantages of international
travel
Use synonyms
 are
pollution
Use synonyms
 and disturbance to local communities.
People
Use synonyms
 who
travel
Use synonyms
 around the world often
travel
Use synonyms
 by plane many times. If more and more tourists take flights, airlines may need to increase the number of flights.
As a result
Linking Words
, more planes in the
air
Use synonyms
 can cause more
pollution
Use synonyms
 than before. Apart from
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
, travelling to other countries can
also
Linking Words
 cause problems for local neighbourhoods. If visitors are not familiar with local
cultures
Use synonyms
, they may disturb residents.
For instance
Linking Words
, some foreign visitors may be interested in observing local
people
Use synonyms
’s daily lives rather than only visiting tourist attractions.
However
Linking Words
, when they take photos of local neighbourhoods, they may invade residents’ privacy.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, easier international
travel
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has some benefits, as
people
Use synonyms
 can
experience
Use synonyms
 different
cultures
Use synonyms
 more easily and directly.
For example
Linking Words
, since the number of flights has increased, Taiwanese
people
Use synonyms
 can
travel
Use synonyms
 to Tokyo or Osaka and
experience
Use synonyms
 Japanese food and culture more easily than before.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
travel
Use synonyms
 can broaden
people
Use synonyms
’s knowledge and help them understand other
cultures
Use synonyms
 better. In conclusion, I believe that the convenience of travelling around the world brings more disadvantages than advantages.
Although
Linking Words
 international
travel
Use synonyms
 gives
people
Use synonyms
 more opportunities to
experience
Use synonyms
 different
cultures
Use synonyms
, the
pollution
Use synonyms
 caused by
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 and the disturbance to local residents are more serious problems.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view a bit stronger in body 1. Show more clearly why the bad points are bigger than the good points.
task response
Add one more clear and real example for the bad side, not only for the good side.
task response
Explain your ideas a little more deeply. Some points are good, but they stop a bit early.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. They are good, but some ideas can connect more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one very clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Try to develop the second bad point more. The privacy example is relevant, but it could be explained more fully.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion from the start.
task response
Your essay stays on topic and all main ideas are relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas follow a logical order and are easy to follow.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: