Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

Throughout the years, we have barely seen some species of
animals
because their existence has been critically threatened
due to
illegal hunting by irresponsible
people
.
As a consequence
, they become extinct and eventually vanish from their habitat. To solve
this
problem, the government should enact a clear regulation which contains some strict punishment
to
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for
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those who deliberately hunt endangered
animals
. A
further
explanation of my opinion will be presented below. First of all, there are some causes which contribute to the extinction of some species of
animals
. One of them is illegal hunting.
For example
, some
people
like to shoot
animals
,
such
as elephants and Sumatran tigers, just to
fulfill
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fulfil
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their wild desire
of having
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to have
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unique decorations in their houses.
However
, the prior cause, in fact, needs intervention from the government by formulating a policy that gives strict punishment to irresponsible humans.
This
enforced law hopefully will create an awareness for the citizens to prevent the endangered species.
Furthermore
, another cause of
animals
extinction is domesticating them. Sometimes, a certain individual likes to keep them as pets.
This
case occurred in Indonesia in which a public figure had a large area in his house specifically to keep some wild
animals
, whether they were scarce or not. A subtle approach is needed to address
this
problem.
For instance
, educate
people
that wild
animals
are not allowed to bring home as pets.
This
prohibition could be shown in a social media post so that it easily reaches the public. In conclusion, two reasons that contribute to the loss of some
animals
are illegal hunting and domestication. A binding regulation is truly needed for better conservation
as well as
raising
people
's concerns to preserve nature.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This format helps in presenting your ideas cohesively.
Example Usage
You effectively use examples to support your arguments, making your essay informative and persuasive. It's impressive how you incorporate specific instances, like the situation in Indonesia, to illustrate your points.
Linguistic Range
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your linguistic range and keep the audience engaged. While your current style is clear, more complex structures could demonstrate greater language proficiency.
Coherence
To further improve coherence, try linking ideas between paragraphs with transitional phrases. This will make your argument flow more naturally and help guide the reader through your essay.
Structure
Structured and organized essay format.
Content
Relevant and specific examples used to support points.
Introduction/Conclusion
Clear introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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