IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You and your family are moving to another country for work, and you are looking to buy a house there. Write a letter to a property agent. In your letter: •Introduce yourself and your family. •Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find. •Give your preference for the location of the accommodation. You do not need to write any addresses.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am Alaleh Hassanpour, writing
this
Linking Words
 letter in order to purchase a house near my workplace. I saw your enterprise advertisement at a billboard on Azadi Avenue. My family is a nuclear family consisting of 3 members (my husband, my little daughter, and I), and we will immigrate to Toronto on 22nd September. I tend to find a detached house which has two spacious rooms with a balcony, and an open-air and sunny kitchen.
Moreover
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, I prefer possessing a medium-sized garden in front of the yard, which allows my daughter to ride a bike safely. I will be working as a pharmacist at the Pharmasave on Yonge Street. I am planning to live nearby.
Also
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, the location provides easy access to various markets. I appreciate your assistance in
this
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 matter. I look forward to your response. Yours faithfully, Alaleh Hassanpour

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task achievement
Try to include a more specific timeline for finding the house to show urgency.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph covers a single main idea more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The letter includes a clear introduction and closing.
task achievement
You provided good details about your family's needs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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