IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries are struggling with increasing crime rates. Some feel that having more police on the streets might be best way to reduce crime rates. Do you agree or disagee?

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The
crime
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 rate is rising in some
countries
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 and the governments have to deal with
this
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 issue.
Also
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, increasing the
number
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 of
policemen
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 on the streets might be the most effective
way
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 to prevent many
crimes
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. I agree that
crime
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rates
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 could be decreased by taking drastic measures and using strict punishments. Having more police can protect the population in the
city
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 from minor
crimes
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such
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 as burglary, theft, fraud, and so on. It would be a great tool for governments to control the whole
city
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. If police have a large
number
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 of officers in the
city
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, they can arrive fast at
crime
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 scenes when somebody witnesses the
crime
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 and
tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
show examples
 the police about it.
Moreover
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, it will be much easier and more effective than investigating the
crimes
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.
For example
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, nowadays approximately 500000
policemen
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 are working in New York
City
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.
As a result
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, slightly fewer
crimes
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 are experienced in the town than in other cities.
Therefore
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,
countries
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 can reduce the
crime
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rates
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 by increasing the
number
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 of
policemen
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.
On the other hand
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, the
way
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 affects only minor
crime
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rates
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. If
countries
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 want to decrease the
number
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 of major
crimes
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, they should introduce other strategies. Serious
crimes
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such
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 as murder, smuggling, and kidnapping can be prevented by introducing drastic laws and strict punishment.
For instance
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, in 1995, the figure for corruption grew sharply in Singapore, so the Supreme Council had to take strict measures in order to reduce the cases of
crime
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.
Consequently
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, the indicator of
crime
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 dropped rapidly.
Thus
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,
this
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way
Use synonyms
 might be an optimal solution for reducing
crime
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rates
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. In conclusion,
countries
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 can struggle with increasing
crime
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rates
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 by increasing the
number
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 of
policemen
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 despite it causes economic costs.
However
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, a more effective
way
Use synonyms
 would be introducing strict measures and punishments.

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Task Achievement
Ensure you develop your arguments equally. While you've covered multiple angles of the issue, further development of how strict punishment can effectively reduce serious crimes could strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to smoothly guide the reader through your arguments and examples.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding your conclusion to more clearly encapsulate your stance and the reasons behind it, reinforcing the main points discussed.
Task Achievement
Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion, clearly stating your agreement with the proposed solution.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as the situation in New York City and Singapore, effectively supports your argument and demonstrates clear thinking.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your organization of ideas into paragraphs, each with a clear focus, aids in the logical flow of information and reader's understanding.
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