More and more children are accessing the Internet unsupervised and at a younger age. This can sometimes put them at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children using the Internet?

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It is true that accessing the
internet
by young
children
who are not supervised can put them at risk as they can be exposed to inappropriate
content
.
Furthermore
,
internet
content
is very addictive for
children
as they cannot control themselves.
Therefore
, sometimes
parents
need to deal with their
children
but they are in trouble when they are facing
this
issue. How can we solve these problems?
To begin
with, accessing inappropriate
content
is very harmful for
children
.
However
, they can easily access the website that provides adult
content
. So
parents
should keep an eye on their
children
while
they are online or,
parents
can control when their child is trying to download applications by not approving.
For example
, In Korea, teenagers cannot download applications if there is no
parent
Replace the word
parental
show examples
approval.
According to
a recent poll,
this
is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quite
effective
Correct article usage
an effective
show examples
way to protect their
children
from dangerous
content
. On top of that,
parents
should limit
children
's
internet
usage time. As
internet
surfing or playing a game is highly addictive, it could make
children
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more violent.
Therefore
, there should be controlled time for using the
internet
.
According to
a recent study, all students must submit their phones during their class and
this
makes students to be more focused on their class in New Zealand. In conclusion, it is quite difficult to supervise and deal with their
children
, it is evident that it needs to be controlled by
parents
or teachers to not put them at risk and to protect
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful
content
.
Submitted by hmhy0326 on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay clearly discusses the issues and potential solutions, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and smoothly transitions to the next. For instance, connecting the danger of inappropriate content directly to addiction and time management could enhance flow.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples or evidence to support claims about the dangers of the Internet and the effectiveness of control measures can make the argument stronger. Try to cite more studies or provide more detailed examples.
introduction conclusion present
The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines the main issue and questions, which is essential for a well-structured essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the necessity of parental control.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised
  • put children at risk
  • problems
  • dealing with
  • lack of awareness
  • online risks
  • monitoring
  • invasion of privacy
  • online addiction
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • proper guidance
  • digital literacy skills
  • time management
  • parental involvement
  • education
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