More and more children are accessing the Internet unsupervised and at a younger age. This can sometimes put them at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children using the Internet?

#children #internet #age #risk #parents #face

It is true that accessing the

internet

by young

children

who are not supervised can put them at risk as they can be exposed to inappropriate

content

Furthermore

internet

content

is very addictive for

children

as they cannot control themselves.

Therefore

, sometimes

parents

need to deal with their

children

but they are in trouble when they are facing

this

issue. How can we solve these problems?

To begin

with, accessing inappropriate

content

is very harmful for

children

However

, they can easily access the website that provides adult

content

. So

parents

should keep an eye on their

children

while

they are online or,

parents

can control when their child is trying to download applications by not approving.

For example

, In Korea, teenagers cannot download applications if there is no

parent

Replace the word

parental

show examples

approval.

According to

a recent poll,

this

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

quite

effective

Correct article usage

an effective

show examples

way to protect their

children

from dangerous

content

. On top of that,

parents

should limit

children

internet

usage time. As

internet

surfing or playing a game is highly addictive, it could make

children

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more violent.

Therefore

, there should be controlled time for using the

internet

According to

a recent study, all students must submit their phones during their class and

this

makes students to be more focused on their class in New Zealand. In conclusion, it is quite difficult to supervise and deal with their

children

, it is evident that it needs to be controlled by

parents

or teachers to not put them at risk and to protect

from

Correct pronoun usage

them from

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

harmful

content

Submitted by hmhy0326 on Tue May 14 2024

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coherence cohesion

While the essay clearly discusses the issues and potential solutions, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and smoothly transitions to the next. For instance, connecting the danger of inappropriate content directly to addiction and time management could enhance flow.

task achievement

Adding more specific examples or evidence to support claims about the dangers of the Internet and the effectiveness of control measures can make the argument stronger. Try to cite more studies or provide more detailed examples.

introduction conclusion present

The essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines the main issue and questions, which is essential for a well-structured essay.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the necessity of parental control.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

unsupervised
put children at risk
problems
dealing with
lack of awareness
online risks
monitoring
invasion of privacy
online addiction
cyberbullying
inappropriate content
proper guidance
digital literacy skills
time management
parental involvement
education

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More and more children are accessing the Internet unsupervised and at a younger age. This can sometimes put them at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children using the Internet?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

Cashless transaction order of the day most of the time people prefer using plastic cash do you think this is trend will be useful for the society.

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?