IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Crime is a serious and growing problem in most societies.
Although
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 many people believe that the best way to tackle
this
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 is to place people in jail for longer periods, others are of the opinion that other measures will be more effective. In
this
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 essay, I will interpret both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, prolonged lockup sentences may have a significant impact on the offenders, yet it would not produce magnificent results. To illustrate, a criminal thinks twice before committing a breach and hesitates since the thought of lifelong captivity is a preventive factor.
However
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, if a person commits a crime and gets arrested, it is obvious that criminals stay in jail under the current laws as well.
Nonetheless
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, there is no decrease in the ratio of crime. There is still a plethora number of thieves or murderers outside and they are not afraid of getting caught. From
this
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 point of view, people cannot eradicate the felony in the way of focusing merely on the length of punishments.
On the other hand
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, taking ample precautions is more influential rather than prolonged penitentiary sentences. The quality of security of a city is an integral part of the safety and criminals can move more readily in an insecure place.
For instance
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, the number of cameras in the cities can ensure that if a person has a tendency to do illegal manner, police find them by using the records in a matter of minutes. Apart from that, another alternative way is to increase security at the desolate points does leave no room for atrocity.
Such
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 alternative ideas are more sensible, feasible and powerful measures and prevent corruption before it happens. In conclusion, my opinion on the matter is that longer confinement life is not an adequate solution. The governments should direct their attention to increasing and improving the security in the cities, towns or villages. I believe that evil is possible by restricting the potential moves of criminals.

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coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally logical, but there are some areas where coherence can be improved. Consider using more transition words or phrases to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided a solid introduction and conclusion, make sure to restate your position more clearly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported, but using more varied examples could make your essay more compelling. Try to incorporate examples from different contexts or cases.
task achievement
Some sentences are complex and slightly confusing. Simplifying them would make your ideas clearer. Avoid overly convoluted sentences to ensure your essay is easily understandable.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both well-structured, setting the stage for your discussion and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
The use of specific terms like 'crimes', 'arrested', and 'security' adds to the appropriateness of your vocabulary for this topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point, making it easy to follow your arguments.
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