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Band 7

With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems does this cause for society and the family?

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The rapid advancement of
technology
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 indeed has transformed the world thoroughly into a new era,
that is
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 digital era. It has been drastically affecting people's daily lives, particularly
children
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.
Technology
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 has become an integral part that can not be separated from
children
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's lives and is extremely different from the world half a century ago.
This
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 transformation has positive and negative impacts on society and families. In
this
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 essay, I will delve into both perspectives and provide my opinion on that matter. On one hand,
technology
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 can effectively provide convenience for
parents
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 to contact their
children
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 when they are apart.
Technology
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 can bring the distant closer.
For example
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, when
parents
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 are in their office and their
children
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 are in their school. They can call or text their
children
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 to still control what their
children
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 are doing, and where their
children
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 are at the moment.
Children
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also
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 can connect to their
parents
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 by using emergency calls on the phone whenever they are not in safe situations.
Parents
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 can get the notification immediately and can take quick action to protect their
children
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 by calling the police or coming to their
children
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's locations.
On the other hand
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, despite the convenience
that is
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 offered by
technology
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, it
also
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 has some drawbacks to consider. The excessive use of
technology
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 is raising some issues regarding
children
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's and
parents
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' health conditions. They are prone to suffering from eyestrain, headaches, and back pains because of the high intensity of looking at the screen and spending long hours sitting in front of computers. A recent study conducted in the United States of America shows that 90% of
children
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 and
parents
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 have ever experienced these kinds of health issues because of watching TV and working on their computers for a longer period. In conclusion,
technology
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 brings immense benefits,
however
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, its rapid evolution
also
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 poses significant negative impacts on society and families. Addressing these problems requires a balanced approach that promotes the responsibility of using
technology
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, emphasizes physical health, and strengthens family bonds. Despite new inventions of
technology
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 being advantageous, it can potentially be challenging if we can not control and use it properly.

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Task Achievement
Try to directly address both parts of the task more explicitly in your introduction and conclusion for a stronger, clearer stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Integrate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more detailed, specific examples or case studies to support your points, enhancing the depth of your analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective introduction of the topic with a clear indication of the essay's direction.
Task Achievement
Balanced discussion of both positive and negative effects of technology on society and the family, showing a well-considered approach.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good structure with clear paragraphs and topic sentences guiding the reader through your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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