IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The death penalty is the best way to control and reduce serious crime. To what extent do you agree?

#death #penalty #control #crime
One school of thought holds that capital punishment is optimal to restrict crime rates.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is somewhat justifiable, I would contend that there are various points against
this
 notion. On the one hand, it is understandable why a good number of individuals tend to believe in the
death
penalty
 as a way to decrease the number of crimes. First and foremost, it warns people not to commit serious crimes. If the
death
penalty
 is not valid, there are numerous drug sellers who sell their goods without worry and are killed by the police.
Additionally
, on a community level, it shows justice that everyone has equality in terms of laws.
For instance
, if people work as blue collar or the founder of a multinational company tends to make illegal revenue
such
 as selling cocaine or money laundering, they will be sentenced to
death
.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that the
death
penalty
 is not the best way to handle the crime rates. One reason is that executing criminals encourages revenge. If the members of that gang do not take revenge for their leader, who passed away by
this
 regulation, it will be disrespectful to the leader. Another reason is that there are concerns about the potential for wrongful executions, leading to innocent people being sentenced to
death
.
For instance
, those living in debt will be tricked into taking the place of those in danger of being executed by the law.
As a result
, innocent individuals could be executed without knowing the truth behind their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that there are plenty of inhabitants who advocate for the
death
penalty
 as an optimal solution for reducing the crime level, I would contend that
this
 measure has various negative impacts on the community.
Submitted by hungn61001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main body paragraphs are balanced in their development. While both views are addressed, each paragraph could benefit from more depth in its arguments.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to elaborate on the examples provided to strengthen the arguments. For instance, giving more context on how certain types of crimes might increase or decrease with the implementation of the death penalty.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and factual data to back up your points. This could make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position on the issue, making it easy for the reader to understand your perspective.
logical structure
The essay is structured well with clear paragraphs that help in maintaining a logical flow.
complete response
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • deterrent effect
  • sense of justice
  • closure
  • wrongful execution
  • life imprisonment
  • moral and ethical considerations
  • rehabilitation
  • financial and resource implications
  • desensitize
  • socio-economic biases
  • racial biases
  • retribution
  • crime rate
  • judicial system
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!