Many children these days are overweight. What are the causes and solutions to overcome this problem?

A lot of
children
nowadays are overweight.
This
is mainly because of unhealthy
food
and not enough
exercise
. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with
this
issue.
Firstly
, many
children
are overweight because they do not eat healthy
food
.
In other words
,
children
these days prefer eating fast
food
and junk
food
.
For example
, many
children
in America are overweight because they eat fast
food
,
such
as KFC and Pizza Hut.
As a result
, they become fat because
this
food
is not healthy.
Secondly
,
children
these days do not like to do
exercise
.
This
is because they like to spend time at home, and they like to play computer games, so they cannot lose weight.
Moreover
, they like to sleep when they are free. There are two effective solutions to overcome
this
problem. One way to solve
this
issue is that
parents
should stop their
children
from eating fast
food
.
That is
to say, they should cook healthy
food
for them and they
also
should tell them to eat more fruits and vegetables.
For instance
, many
children
in Korea are healthy because their
parents
control their
children
’s diet.
Therefore
, these
children
will stay healthy. Another solution is that
parents
should tell their
children
to do more
exercise
. When their
children
do
exercise
, they can have a great body.
To sum up
, eating healthy
food
and doing
exercise
is effective in dealing with
this
issue. If
parents
implemented these solutions, the rate of
this
problem would drop.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader. However, you can improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Try using more linking words and phrases for better flow.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Response, aim to expand your ideas and provide more detailed explanations or additional reasons. Ensure you cover all aspects of the question comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the response.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the question and well-supported with examples.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: