IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
Workers may face a challenging decision
while
 determining whether to remain with their current
company
 or transition to a new
one
 in order to seek personal growth and development. I am inclined to endorse workers who seek diverse experiences by working in alternative institutions. On the
one
 hand, some employees think that since they quickly become accustomed to how the business operates, much like how to use a machine, changing the atmosphere is not really necessary.
In addition
, they familiarize themselves with their colleagues from the very beginning of their employment. If individuals remain employed at a
company
 for an extended period of time, there are numerous opportunities for them to receive promotions.
In addition
, people who have worked for an extended period of time often receive generous pension plans from their employers upon retirement. As an illustration, the mean projected yearly remuneration, encompassing both the base pay and additional compensation, at Samsung Corporation amounts to $141,300.
Furthermore
, employees who have been with the
company
 for a significant period may receive annual raises of up to 5%. Still, moving to a new
company
 could be advantageous for staff members. It is an opportunity for them to engage with novel settings and make new friends in order to acquire experience and establish more successful connections.
Furthermore
, individuals have the option to purchase multiple fields to determine which best suits their needs and avoid feeling uninspired.
For example
, certain individuals may have a sense of disorientation when they commence their employment following graduation.
Consequently
, they may quickly become bored throughout the course of their work, resulting in a decline in the quality of their output and a diminished sense of camaraderie with their colleagues. In summary,
while
 there is a case to be made for remaining with the same organization throughout
one
's career, it is indisputable that exposing oneself to various situations is essential for the development of
one
's experiences.
Submitted by thanhannguyen2209 on

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task achievement
Begin your essay with a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the topic and your stance on it. This will make your essay more focused and leave a good impression on the examiner.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow and better logical structure. This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your thesis statement and that your arguments are fully developed. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing both perspectives of the topic, which demonstrates an understanding of the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
Some relevant examples are provided, such as the remuneration at Samsung Corporation, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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