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Band 4

In many societies, there is less social contact between the elderly and the young. What are the reasons and what measures can be taken?

#societies #contact #measures
Communication is a crucial factor in nations when strong have been more effective between members in a country. Nowadays in several countries, it is considered a different layer of community , Agaig
people
 and adolescents.In my opinion the biggest reason for the
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
 social contact between
age
groups
 owing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a large gap in
age
.
firstly
, population are the structure of society there are many
groups
 in these folks ,
moreover
 a variety of ages main reasons lead to a decrease
contact
Change preposition
in contact
show examples
 with others,
for example
 , a young individual
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
 spending time with persons same period of
age
 ,
while
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
people
 don not like communicate with
people
 younger than them.
As a result
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are large gaps between their
groups
.
secondly
, result of the prevalence of technology
such
 as social media and video games a teenagers tend to
this
 things on talk with
people
 more
Correct word choice
than them
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 in
age
,
also
 persons who
aged
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more than 65 years face several problems for uses
this
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 technology. So
then
 seeking to each other may be difficult.
Thirdly
, their
groups
 aged more than 65 have various interests,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 reading books and watching the news on the radio I believe reducing
this
 gap shall be
across
Change preposition
by
show examples
 rounding off preferences among each other, for additional a club culture's enhancement to
strong
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 links among structures community. To illustrate, the gap in
age
 ,the prevalence of social networking and different interests are all
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 elements that cause less contact among the building blocks of society.should be government working to establish centres
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
goals
enable
Fix the infinitive
to enable
show examples
 and promote communication with every building block of society.
Submitted by saad.444221 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use cohesive devices like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In conclusion', to help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and should be well-developed with supporting examples and explanations.
task achievement
Ensure that the reasons and measures are clearly identified and explained in separate paragraphs for better understanding.
task achievement
Focus on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas by elaborating each point in more detail.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your points effectively.
task achievement
You addressed the question prompt adequately by discussing reasons and measures for the gap between elderly and young people.
task achievement
The essay contains some relevant ideas, which is good for illustrating your points.
task achievement
You've used a range of vocabulary to describe the issue and suggest solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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