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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that all young people should have full-time education until they are 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is believed that all
individuals
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 have to devote themselves to full-time
education
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 unless they are over 18 years old. In my opinion, I completely agree with the statement and
this
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 essay cites and provides evidence. It is apparent that the foundation of knowledge in terms of several aspects related to life is dispensable.
To begin
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 with, educational institutions can help
individuals
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 to improve their skills involved in solving problems significantly. By encouraging them to interact with their peers and teachers,
students
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 tend to enhance their communication skills
as well as
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 practical ability, potentially leading to the improvement in their minds and
behavior
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behaviour
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 when they face an uncertain situation.
Furthermore
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, it provides potential opportunities to
individuals
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 as they have more chances to succeed in their future jobs, more than that, they can make a decision assertively. If they do not have full-time
education
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, there will be a variety of severe consequences
such
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 as making the wrong decision. Since schools have an ideal environment for
students
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 to enhance their personal abilities, it is understandable why
students
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 should have a full-time
education
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. The first and foremost factor is that they can heighten their creativity skill and their imagination by studying full-time.
Students
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 can interact with their peers who tend to be better than them, resulting in sharing experiences and ideas which is a fundamental factor that leads to the inspiration of the thoughts and ideas from each person.
Moreover
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, it can reduce the percentage of children unemployed
due to
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 the lack of knowledge.
As a result
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, it is easier to control the economy and unemployment percentage in a nation. In conclusion, I believe that all
individuals
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 should dedicate themselves to full-time
education
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 as it brings a lot of benefits,
for instance
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, improving practical skills to solve problems that they have not faced before and potential opportunities to succeed in future careers.

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relevant specific examples
Try to include specific examples or case studies to make your arguments even stronger and more convincing.
logical structure
Ensure that the transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical to maintain a natural flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Continue to reinforce the main points in your concluding paragraph to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
complete response
You have presented a clear response to the task and have covered the essential points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a strong framework for your essay.
supported main points
You have effectively supported your main points, making your arguments more credible.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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