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Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
In recent decades, an increasing number of young individuals tend to be addicted to using smartphones. There are several reasons why the phenomenon is becoming prevailing. From my perspective, I believe it has a positive impact on them in many aspects. There are some reasons why children spend hours on smart devices. First and foremost, in modern life, both parents are too busy with tremendous tasks given at work so in order not to be bothered, they have given smart gadgets to their children.
Also
, many online courses have been offered for free or just with a small amount of money which inspires them to stick to their screens frequently.
Moreover
, there are thousands of games invented daily. They are so attractive and challenging that teenagers are willing to sit in the same position for hours on end. Regarding the detrimental impact of making use of smart devices, it might increase some physical and mental issues in young people. The fact is that those who spend more than 4 hours on the Internet are highly likely to suffer from eye-related diseases and obesity.
Moreover
, they can
also
 enter inappropriate websites consisting of violent content that might have negative impacts on their mental development, leading to unhealthy behaviours. In conclusion, the increasing use of smartphones among teens has been caused by different subjective and objective reasons.
Although
 it offers some advantages, I still believe that children might deal with many risks if their time spent on it is not controlled sensibly.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
While you provided a comprehensive response to the question, work on elaborating your points with more specific examples. For instance, mention popular online courses or specific games that attract children.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the flow of your paragraphs. Some sentences feel slightly disconnected. Use linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother transition between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to consistently support your main points with examples. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which nicely frame your discussion.
task achievement
The main points in your essay are generally well-articulated and cover different aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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