Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's world of technology and
modernisation
the Add a comma
modernisation,
crime
rate has started shooting up. The main reason of
Change preposition
for
high
amount of Add an article
the high
crime
rate is people
are vurneable
and can easily fall Correct your spelling
vulnerable
in
the trap. In the essay, I will discuss whether young Change preposition
into
people
should be treated in the same way as adults
for the crime
committed.
To begin
with, kids nowdays
have Correct the word
nowadays
Correct article usage
an enornmous
enornmous
Correct your spelling
enormous
amount
of exposure, they are easily attracted towards negative thinking or content. Young Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
pupil
are watching television, reels, Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
Correct word choice
and youtube
youtube
videos to Correct your spelling
YouTube
such
extent
that are eventually becoming addicted to the screen. The content on different platforms Correct article usage
an extent
evoke
Change the verb form
evokes
the
emotions in Correct article usage
apply
such
a way that young people
dont
understand Correct your spelling
don't
on
how to handle it, and they tend to commit Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
crime
. Teenagers feel very low in self esteem
when they are not given what they are expecting. If they want expensive phones and Add a hyphen
self-esteem
parents
can't afford Correct pronoun usage
their parents
it
, they tend to steal the money. In a recent media Correct pronoun usage
them
reports
, one Fix the agreement mistake
report
14 year old
boy stole Add a hyphen
14-year-old
the
money from his father's Correct article usage
apply
atm
and after lodging the Correct your spelling
ATM
complain
they came to know it was their own son. The pressure to look cool Replace the word
complaint
infront
of society often Correct your spelling
in front
push
Change the verb form
pushes
the
young minds to Correct article usage
apply
inclined
towards the path of Add a missing verb
be inclined
crime
.
On the other hand
, adults
are committing crime
to sustain their livelihood, to feed their Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
family
and some Fix the agreement mistake
families
people
are doing it to fulfill
their evil intention. When Change the spelling
fulfil
adults
commit the
Correct article usage
a
crime
they understad
the consequences of doing Correct your spelling
understand
such
a heinous activity and dont
even give a second thought Correct your spelling
don't
on
not going forward.
Change preposition
to
To conclude
, I would say that young minds need lot
of guidance and life lessonsChange the article
a lot
,
so that they can become responsible Remove the comma
apply
adults
, whereas
older people
know the result very well before committing the crime
. Nuturing
the young generation Correct your spelling
Nurturing
Change preposition
into
to
civilised Change preposition
into
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
Correct your spelling
doesn't
dosen't
need harsh punishments but Correct your spelling
doesn't
need
proper support and care.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by neelima.sharma60 on
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Task Response
Your introduction sets up the context well but focus more on the specific argument about whether young people should be treated the same way as adults for committing crimes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow; for instance, use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to link paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main point that ties back to your thesis. For instance, your paragraph discussing adults can be made more relevant by directly addressing how their reasoning for committing crimes differs from that of young people.
Task Response
You effectively use examples to illustrate your points, which helps in making your argument more relatable and grounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-framed, giving a good structure to your essay.
Task Response
The points discussed in both main paragraphs are relevant and add value to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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