IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Companies invest millions of dollars in advertising to persuade consumers to buy their products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages for the consumer?

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Nowadays, companies spend a large part of their budgets on advertisements to convince customers to buy their products. Whether or not it's a good thing for buyers is a moot point. In
this
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 essay, the potential benefits of advertising for consumers and its drawbacks will be discussed. The greatest plus point of promotes is that they give the chance to the consumers to get to know their options.
That is
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 to say, as all companies advertise their merchandise on social media a person as a buyer can notice different brands manufacturing the same products, which you may never get to know if you never happened to face its advertisement. Another major benefit of advertising is the competition it causes for industries to attract consumers.
This
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 results in commodities]ies with better quality which customers can benefit from.
On the other hand
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, the most significant downside of doing so is that it will cause consumerism which can harm both people and nature.
This
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 means that
,
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apply
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 people being surrounded by adverts on social media and in real life will
poke
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create
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 an uncontrolled desire in them to buy things they don't even need. Being a shopaholic can
also
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 cause nature destruction as most of the products are being manufactured with materials which are harmful to our environment.
To sum up
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, as it's discussed above, advertisements can potentially have both pros and cons for people. Having weighed up its upsides and downsides, it seems to me that its negatives are far more important than its positives.

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task achievement
Expand your introduction to provide a clearer context for the discussion and a more explicit thesis statement. This will help set the stage for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to correct minor grammatical errors, such as 'commodities' and 'promotes'. Such inaccuracies can affect clarity and overall professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
While you have good points, try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention a specific advertisement campaign that illustrates your point about consumer awareness.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, restate your main points more clearly and summarise your argument. This reinforces your stance and provides a stronger closing.
task achievement
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of advertising, showing a balanced view of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs dedicated to distinct points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertising expenditure
  • consumer awareness
  • impulsive buying
  • economic impact
  • materialism
  • consumer debt
  • misleading advertisements
  • consumer trust
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