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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.

The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.
#people #parts #kinds #sports #region
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The line graph illustrates the figure of people
participate
Wrong verb form
participating
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 in 4 different kinds of sports:
basketball
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,
tennis
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,
badminton
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, and
rugby
Use synonyms
, in a particular region over two decades starting in 1985.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
tennis
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 experienced an upward trend,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of
rugby
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 underwent a downward trend.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that both figures
Change preposition
for
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of
Change preposition
for
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basketball
Use synonyms
 and
badminton
Use synonyms
 remain stable throughout the given timeframe.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1985, at around 240
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peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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,
rugby
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 was the highest participants among
Correct article usage
the others
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others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 three activities, followed by
tennis
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,
basketball
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, and
badminton
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, at 150
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peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, at 80
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peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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, and
60
Change preposition
at 60
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Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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, respectively. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
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 the following 10 years, from 1995 to 2005,
although
Linking Words
 the number of players in
tennis
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 and
rugby
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 have
exact
Add an article
the exact
an exact
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 same figure at 200
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peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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, the popularity of the two activities
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
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 to shift alternatively.
While
Linking Words
tenis
Correct your spelling
tennis
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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 gradually
increasd
Correct your spelling
increased
 and reached
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 peak at an
estimate
Replace the word
estimated
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of
Change preposition
apply
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220
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
Use synonyms
rugby's
Change noun form
rugby
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 players dropped miserably to only 50
persons
Replace the word
people
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. Unlike the other two sports that experience either the rise
and
Correct word choice
or
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 fall of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 participants,
basketball
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 and
badminton
Use synonyms
's popularity remain the same at around 80
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, and 60
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peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 with
a small changes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a small change
small changes
show examples
 of no more than 5-10
Use synonyms
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words basketball, tennis, badminton, rugby, peoples with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • participation
  • trend
  • significant increase
  • decrease
  • stability
  • popularity
  • regional interest
  • key trends
  • peaks
  • troughs
  • local leagues
  • school programs
  • media influence
  • public health initiatives
  • availability of facilities
  • competitive success
  • fluctuations
  • impact
  • major tournaments
  • notable players
  • local clubs
  • coaching programs
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