In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
Whilst many think that
advertisements
of various types of junk foods must not be banned as these Use synonyms
adverts
do not make Use synonyms
people
obese, Use synonyms
while
I believe that as Linking Words
obesity
is one of the most common health issues which Use synonyms
people
around the world are suffering from, so there is a need to stop the Use synonyms
advertisements
related to snack Use synonyms
food
because these Use synonyms
adverts
play a major role in promoting Use synonyms
this
type of Linking Words
food
.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, Linking Words
people
who think that these Use synonyms
adverts
do not have any role in the problem of Use synonyms
obesity
claim that, there are so many other reasons which are responsible for Use synonyms
obesity
. First of all, lack of physical activity and exercise, Use synonyms
for example
, Linking Words
due to
technological advancements, individuals mostly have to work with computers, so a sedentary lifestyle makes Linking Words
people
obese as they do not participate in any indoor or outdoor activity. Use synonyms
Besides
Linking Words
this
, genetic factors can Linking Words
also
contribute to Linking Words
obesity
, we have seen that some Use synonyms
people
do not eat fast Use synonyms
food
, but Use synonyms
due to
heridity factor, they have excess fat in their body tissues.
Linking Words
However
, I support the argument that many large multinational organisations promote their packed Linking Words
food
via Use synonyms
advertisements
in order to lure Use synonyms
people
, and children are the most vulnerable targets. Use synonyms
Moreover
, with the Linking Words
adverts
they reveal their newer Use synonyms
food
products, Use synonyms
also
these Linking Words
advertisements
entice Use synonyms
people
to try these processed foods. Use synonyms
In addition
, if we talk about various restaurant chains, Linking Words
for example
, Mcdonald's, KFC, Domino, and Red Rooster, they always have promotional deals on their menus like meal deals or free cans of soft drinks with any Linking Words
meal
, and they promote these deals via Fix the agreement mistake
meals
advertisements
to attract Use synonyms
people
, and Use synonyms
thus
, Linking Words
people
buy these foods which are full of calories.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
there are other reasons for Linking Words
obesity
as well like genes and lack of physical activity, still I am convinced by the argument that promotional activities through Use synonyms
advertisements
of junk Use synonyms
food
attract Use synonyms
people
to buy them, which leads to overeating of calories, and Use synonyms
thus
leads to detrimental health problem, Linking Words
obesity
.Use synonyms
Submitted by harleenarora620 on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a balanced discussion and providing your own opinion. However, a bit more depth in the counterarguments would strengthen it even further.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and well-expressed, but there are a few areas where the wording could be smoother or more precise. For example, 'due to heridity factor' should be 'due to hereditary factors'.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Nonetheless, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transitions to enhance coherence. For instance, instead of starting consecutive sentences with 'However' and 'Moreover', try alternatives like 'Nevertheless' or 'Furthermore'.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion, which is crucial for this task.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning specific fast-food chains and their marketing strategies.
coherence cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with a logical progression of ideas and clear paragraph divisions.