In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Whilst many think that
advertisements
of various types of junk foods must not be banned as these
adverts
do not make
people
obese,
while
I believe that as
obesity
is one of the most common health issues which
people
around the world are suffering from, so there is a need to stop the
advertisements
related to snack
food
because these
adverts
play a major role in promoting
this
type of
food
.
To begin
with,
people
who think that these
adverts
do not have any role in the problem of
obesity
claim that, there are so many other reasons which are responsible for
obesity
. First of all, lack of physical activity and exercise,
for example
,
due to
technological advancements, individuals mostly have to work with computers, so a sedentary lifestyle makes
people
obese as they do not participate in any indoor or outdoor activity.
Besides
this
, genetic factors can
also
contribute to
obesity
, we have seen that some
people
do not eat fast
food
, but
due to
heridity factor, they have excess fat in their body tissues.
However
, I support the argument that many large multinational organisations promote their packed
food
via
advertisements
in order to lure
people
, and children are the most vulnerable targets.
Moreover
, with the
adverts
they reveal their newer
food
products,
also
these
advertisements
entice
people
to try these processed foods.
In addition
, if we talk about various restaurant chains,
for example
, Mcdonald's, KFC, Domino, and Red Rooster, they always have promotional deals on their menus like meal deals or free cans of soft drinks with any
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
, and they promote these deals via
advertisements
to attract
people
, and
thus
,
people
buy these foods which are full of calories. In conclusion,
although
there are other reasons for
obesity
as well like genes and lack of physical activity, still I am convinced by the argument that promotional activities through
advertisements
of junk
food
attract
people
to buy them, which leads to overeating of calories, and
thus
leads to detrimental health problem,
obesity
.
Submitted by harleenarora620 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a balanced discussion and providing your own opinion. However, a bit more depth in the counterarguments would strengthen it even further.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and well-expressed, but there are a few areas where the wording could be smoother or more precise. For example, 'due to heridity factor' should be 'due to hereditary factors'.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Nonetheless, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transitions to enhance coherence. For instance, instead of starting consecutive sentences with 'However' and 'Moreover', try alternatives like 'Nevertheless' or 'Furthermore'.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion, which is crucial for this task.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning specific fast-food chains and their marketing strategies.
coherence cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with a logical progression of ideas and clear paragraph divisions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • junk food
  • advertising
  • banning
  • influence
  • dietary habits
  • calories
  • nutrients
  • exposure
  • impressionable
  • lifestyle choices
  • physical activity
  • nutrition education
  • balanced diet
  • freedom of choice
  • market economy
  • informed decisions
  • manipulated
  • advertisements
  • combat obesity
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