IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people buy unnecessary things and get into debt when they do not need them. why people who buy extra things are getting into debt and discuss possible solutions.

#people #debt
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The buying power of the public is increasing, one of the factors is they have been purchasing a lot of unimportant
things
.
Moreover
, these habits are severed with the lack of financial control. In
this
 essay, I will explore the major reason that causes
this
 phenomenon and deliver a variety of solutions.
People
 spend money to get
things
 impulsively for their pride and instant desire. With the presence of social media, we often compare our lives with others, including their wealthy
products
.
Moreover
, we easily be influenced by advertisements and influencers that promote paid
products
.
As a result
, we falsely think that it is necessary which in fact it is not.
People
 force themselves to buy expensive
things
such
 as branded bags, and clothes.
However
, they get the money from third-party sources,
for instance
, pay later or credit card, without thinking about their financial capabilities to pay it back.
This
 instant desire will cause
people
 to get into debt and no longer be able to pay for their daily needs. The way to stop these habits is with financial awareness and self-control.
Firstly
,
people
 should set a mindset that they do not have to buy what every popular person has. To make it clear, getting swayed by the trend is not a good lifestyle for us.
Secondly
, track the income and spending.
This
 means, that even if we desperately want something, think about our priorities in life. If we can afford
things
 without sacrificing our needs
then
 we are safe to bring home that product.
Lastly
, for luxury
products
,
people
 must contemplate about which is the product could be used as an investment or at least use it for a long time. In conclusion, impulsive buying is mostly caused by pride and influence in social media. To handle
this
,
people
 should be really aware of their financial condition, control themselves, and reduce their desire especially if the
products
 are quite expensive.
Submitted by evaagustine11 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea, and use topic sentences to clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and offers both reasons and solutions, showing a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized, and the overall structure of the essay is logical.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer culture
  • Impulsive purchases
  • Financial literacy
  • Retail therapy
  • Sustainable living
  • Minimalism
  • Psychological tricks
  • Credit facilities
  • Debt cycle
  • Budgeting tools
What to do next:
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