IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Children
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 are the backbone of every country. So, there are
people
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 who tend to believe that youngsters should be encouraged to initiate social work as it will result in a flourished society and individualistic growth of youngsters themselves. I, too believe that
this
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 motivation has more benefits than its drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, social work by
children
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 can be easily associated with personality development because, during
this
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 drive, they tend to communicate with a variety of
people
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, which leads to polished verbal skills.
For example
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, if they start convincing rural
people
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 to send their
children
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 to school they have to have a convincing attitude
along with
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 developed verbal skills to deal with diverse kinds of
people
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 there.
This
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 improved skill will help them lifelong in every arena.
Apart from
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this
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, the true values of life like tolerance, patience, team spirit, and cooperation can be learned.
Besides
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 that, young minds serve the country with full enthusiasm giving the feeling of fulfillment and self-satisfaction.
This
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 worthiness for themselves brims them with self-confidence and patriotic feeling.
Moreover
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, going and experiencing multiple cultures and traditions makes their horizon so broad that add one more feather to their cap.
However
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, It is truly said, no rose without thrones. Can the drawbacks of
this
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 initiation be ignored?
Children
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 go to school, participate in different curriculum activities, and endure the pressure of peers, parents, and teachers, and in the competitive world, they should not be expected to serve society without their self-benefits.
This
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 kind of pressure might bring resentment in their mind. In conclusion, I believe, the notion of a teenager doing unpaid work is indeed good but proper monitoring and care should be given to avoid untoward consequences

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to make it more precise. For example, 'I believe that encouraging teenagers to engage in unpaid community work benefits both the community and their personal development, despite some challenges.'
task achievement
In the second body paragraph, provide more depth on the drawbacks you mention. Discussing potential solutions or ways to mitigate these drawbacks can make the argument more balanced.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay before restating your opinion. This reinforces the coherence and strength of your argument.
coherence cohesion
When presenting advantages and disadvantages, balance the structure by giving equal weight to each side. This ensures that your essay covers all aspects of the topic comprehensively.
task achievement
You provide clear and relevant examples to support your arguments. For instance, discussing how teenagers convincing rural people to send their children to school helps illustrate your point effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear starting point and wrapping up your argument effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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