In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
Obesity has been an indisputable issue in societies in recent decades. Some
people
believe that junk food
advertising is a major factor for this
problem and should be banned while
others think that banning fast food
advertisements
can not be the key factor to deter people
from being obese. In forthcoming paragraphs, both views are discussed correctly and I will give my perspectives about it.
To begin
with, there is an indisputable fact that, massive advertisements
can make people
eager to buy readymade food
considerably. In addition
, sales and bonuses (one is free for every three burgers which are bought) affect people
’s eating habits deeply and ironically they become the victims of fast food
chains. Moreover
, fast food
is completely convenient , quick and reasonably cheap which can be affordable for all consumers. And
Correct word choice
Advertisements
advertisements
try to impress these qualities for making readymade food
be well-known in popular broadcasts and media such
as TV, Radio channels and newspapers. This
can be the reason for individuals think that advertisements
on fast food
should be forbidden.
On the other hand
, it can be completely incorrect if ads are considered as the only main factor to cause people
’s obesity. Not doing exercises regularly, and inappropriate eating habits are basic causes of being fat. Thereby individuals are incapable of losing extra calories which are gained from readymade snacks due to
not working out. Sometimes it is commonly seen that some individuals have a good shape and a proper choice for their healthy diet in spite of the fact that their surrounding is covered with such
advertisements
in fast food
restaurants. Hence
, educational centres and governments should focus on improving people
’s awareness of unhealthy food
.
To sum up
, prohibiting fast food
advertising can not be the only solution to solve this
issue as some people
believe. Otherwise
, the government and schools can set up some measures that can provide information about unhealthy food
, encourage people
to go to the gym and create an opportunity to know the detrimental effects of fast food
.Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. While the essay is well-organized, some ideas can be more distinctively separated for better clarity.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention particular studies or data that support the points being made about advertising and obesity.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings. For instance, review sentences for proper preposition and article usage; this will make your writing smoother and more professional.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is crucial for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately crafted, providing a clear start and end to the discussion.
task achievement
The examples provided are generally relevant, which helps in presenting a cohesive argument.
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