IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and the projections for 2050

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and the projections for 2050
The pie charts present and compare the share of Yemen’s and Italy’s population age in 2000
as well as
Linking Words
 the anticipations for 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, the age
group
Use synonyms
 of
newborn
Fix the agreement mistake
newborns
show examples
 to 14
years
Use synonyms
 old dropped.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the 60 above
group
Use synonyms
 which had an increase
instead
Linking Words
. Interestingly, the independent population shows the most change out of the three groups. In 2000, the age
group
Use synonyms
 that
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the highest share in Yemen
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the 0 to 14
years
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 followed by the 15 to 59 and the 60 plus, accounting for 50.1, 46.3, and 3.6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in order.
This
Linking Words
 is slightly different from Italy’s which has 15 to 59
years
Use synonyms
 first
then
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
60 and higher with the 0 to 14
years
Use synonyms
 coming
last
Linking Words
, accounting for 61.6, 24.1 and 14.3
percent
Use synonyms
 respectively. In 2050, the sequence of Yemen’s
group
Use synonyms
 had changed slightly:
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 15 to 59
years
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 having the most at 57.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
; the 0 to 14
years
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 at 37
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
; the 60 and up
group
Use synonyms
 at 5.7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, Italy’s series stayed the same with the 15 to 59
years
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 being the biggest at 46.2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, with 60 or more in second place at 42.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and 0 to 14
years
Use synonyms
 in third at 11.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words group, years, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
What to do next:
Look at other essays: