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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world's cities today. Discuss the main causes. What solutions could be used to tackle the situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

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Urbanisation is a major challenge for
cities
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 in the contemporary world. The main cause of
this
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 problem is the fact that
cities
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 offer a great opportunity for having a job and a better living. One effective
solutions
Change to a singular noun
solution
show examples
 to deal with
this
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 is to start opening new factories in rural
areas
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. Economic reason is the main cause why
people
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 move to
cities
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. It means that individuals from rural
areas
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 have difficulties to make a living. Since a lack of job opportunities in their villages or towns, migrating to big
cities
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 is the best option.
This
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 is because
cities
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 offer more employment opportunities both for skilful workers who require educational qualifications and unskilled workers who can apply as cleaning services, waiters and others. Jakarta,
for instance
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, has become one of the most populous
cities
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 across the world because the
people
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 who come to
this
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 city increase from time to time. To tackle
this
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 problem, it is important for governments to open a wide range of employment in rural settings. The authority could make a policy for big manufacturers to build their business in rural
areas
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. Adidas, a leading company in fashion, is an appealing example of
this
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. By opening its branches in rural
areas
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,
this
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 company has recruited many employees from villages.
Therefore
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, it can reduce the migration of
people
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 to
cities
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. In conclusion,
people
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 migrate to
cities
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 because they want to have an occupation.
Therefore
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, one of the best possible ways to prevent
this
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 phenomenon is by opening factories in rural settings.
This
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 policy can have a positive effect on city development.

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task achievement
Ensure your arguments are thoroughly developed with enough supporting evidence and examples. For instance, you could mention other factors influencing urban migration besides economic reasons.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the coherence by using more transition words and phrases to link ideas smoothly between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and relevant response to the prompt, addressing both the causes and solutions of urban migration.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is quite clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs defining causes and solutions, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the reference to Adidas and Jakarta, effectively supports your main points.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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