IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters such as their earnings or expenditures in everyday conversations. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon ? is it advantageous or detrimental ?

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Since became
industrial revolution
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Industrial Revolution
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, there are numerous companies started booming in America. Among them started S&P, Nasdaq.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 started getting employed in various industries.
This
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 industrial revolution expanded all over the world and countries started their own
economical
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economic
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 indexes. As more and more
people
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 became aware
about
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of
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 earnings, investments and
economical
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economic
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 booming, they started to discuss more about their earnings and expenditures.Nowadays, young
people
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 are at a stage of having a higher
paygrade
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pay grade
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 and they
do
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spend
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 a lot of
expenditure
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into
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on
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 different kinds of
product
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products
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.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 vast applications and social media
such
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 as
youtube
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YouTube
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, youngsters are more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their financial
goals
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 and
investment
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 strategies in life
along with
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 their earnings.
Furthermore
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, it has never been easier to calculate the everyday
goals
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 for the
expenditure
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 habit and
investment
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goals
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.
For instance
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, individuals earning more than average
paygrade
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pay grade
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 can calculate their own daily expenditures and savings.
In contrast
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, today’s youths are early in their earning phase which makes them more prone to make wrong
decision
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decisions
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 in
expenditure
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habit
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habits
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 without being aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 proper information.
Secondly
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, if they
do
Verb problem
have
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 daily
conversation
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conversations
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 with others related to their financial journey
then
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 those individuals who lack
investment
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 or
expenditure
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 knowledge will start to become more and more aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 their financial
goals
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 in life.
As a result
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, they can save more than spending more.
For instance
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, they can
also
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take
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make
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 better decisions after having
conversation
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conversations
show examples
 with others regarding their financial matters.
To conclude
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, a majority of
people
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 should talk about their financial
spendings
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spending
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 and
investment
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 strategies with their friends and family.
In addition
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,
this
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 will allow them to become more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their financial journey.
Furthermore
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, the reason behind
this
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 trend is mainly social media and influencers who are professional chartered accountants. Nowadays, youth are becoming more
about
Correct word choice
concerned about
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 their finance
due to
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 these factors.

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task achievement
Your essay needs more specific examples to illustrate your points. Try to add details or real-world scenarios that support your arguments more concretely.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical flow. Transitions between points could be smoother to maintain coherence.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
task response
You have addressed the topic and provided relevant points about why people discuss financial matters today.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • economic pressures
  • consumerism
  • social comparison
  • transparency
  • taboo
  • self-esteem
  • coping mechanism
  • financial management
  • wealth portrayal
  • money management
  • economic environment
  • personal and professional relationships
  • financial situation
  • financial problems
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