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Band 6.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
These days,
people
 all over the world have more choices to choose from in many different subjects. I totally agree with
this
 idea
due to
 technological improvements and the existence of competitive market sales.
Although
, about the way of living, still there are not too many
ways
 that you can choose from them. In other words, most of the time,
people
 do not have enough courage and
also
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to determine their own paths,
this
 is because, from their childhood, they are following the rules and the
ways
 that their parents told them, So you can see that there are not many options to choose.
However
, in other subjects, we are not facing the same problem. Nowadays, In the case of buying products, we have a wide range of goods that we can buy in many different
ways
, l mean you even have the various
ways
 to order the products. The reason for
this
 variety is the competition that companies and brands have with each other in today's world.
Moreover
, in comparison to the past times, because of developments in the subject of technology,
people
 can travel by many different kinds of public transportation
as well as
 private ones.
For instance
, you can choose from buses, cars, planes, ships and trains for your journeys.
To sum up
, in some specific subjects, we may still have just one way to follow, but in most cases,these days
people
 can just have choices regarding their exact desire and
this
 makes the world a more enjoyable place to live.
Submitted by Sarlakehsan79 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer organizational structure. For example, integrating a more defined thesis statement and evenly distributing your points across paragraphs can enhance readability.
task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehension, expand on your ideas with more details and specific examples. This can help the reader better understand and relate to your arguments.
task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by addressing potential counterarguments or limitations of your perspective. This could make your essay more comprehensive and nuanced.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job introducing the contemporary issue of having many choices due to technological improvements and market competition. This makes your argument relevant and timely.
coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly coherent and cohesive, with ideas logically connected and a smooth flow between points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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