IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high schools and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, students tend to travel or
work
Use synonyms
 in the year after finishing high school and before joining a university.
This
Linking Words
 development has brought both positive and negative implications for young people.
While
Linking Words
 it offers several advantages, there are
also
Linking Words
 notable disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both sides of the issue in detail.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the primary advantages of having a gap year for
work
Use synonyms
 or travel is gaining experience.
This
Linking Words
 is because of facing various challenging situations and trying to overcome them correctly, which leads to being able to solve any complex state during the college years.
Additionally
Linking Words
, having a source of money is another significant benefit. It allows young people to learn how to save their money, which can positively impact their financial skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, enrolling university in
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
late time has its fair share of drawbacks. One notable disadvantage is being tired.
This
Linking Words
 arises when young individuals force themselves to
work
Use synonyms
 for a long period without taking breaks to recharge themselves, resulting in wasting their time and having less passion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another drawback is making a bad decision
such
Linking Words
 as continuing in
work
Use synonyms
 and not wanting to back to studying.
This
Linking Words
 is particularly problematic because young people can not be sure of completing
work
Use synonyms
 without having a university degree, which can lead to being under pressure
while
Linking Words
 working. In conclusion, encouraging students to
work
Use synonyms
 or travel has both advantages and disadvantages. The benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as personal development and gaining money, make it valuable.
However
Linking Words
, the drawbacks, including tiredness and not
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
, highlight the need for careful consideration. A balanced approach is essential to maximize the positives
while
Linking Words
 minimizing the negatives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention a specific situation where a student traveled or worked, and how it benefited or hindered their future studies.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition. The essay mentions 'tiredness' and 'working too long' in similar contexts, and instead could diversify the language and reasons.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion and provide a solid foundation for the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clear distinction between advantages and disadvantages, helping the reader follow the writer's argument.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases to move between ideas and sections, aiding reader understanding and linking different parts together.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: