IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays youngsters are less polite and less respectful than in the past. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this issue?

#youngsters
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Currently,
people
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 have different views as to whether young
people
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 are impolite and less respectful than in the past.
This
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 essay will express the reason for the problem and explain the solution. Despite the fact that youngsters are less polite and they do not have
respect
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 an important issue, I believe that it can resolve
this
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 issue when
children
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 grow up. On the one hand, some
children
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 lack maturity and they have no experience.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that nowadays,
children
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 usually trust that everybody is equal
while
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 in the real world, seniority is crucial in my country's
society
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.
For example
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, when young
people
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 apply to some company and they have to interview with an employer. If they have impolite behaviour, they do not receive an offer from the company.
As a result
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, if young
people
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 have politeness and
respect
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 for others, they will easily stay in
society
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.
On the other hand
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, we can resolve problems by teaching
children
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 that they should
respect
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 other
people
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 if young
people
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 want other
people
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 to
respect
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 them too.
This
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 is because we should tell youngsters that they have empathy for other
people
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 around them.
For instance
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, when young
people
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 want to do something if they are polite to other
people
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, they will receive support from
people
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 around them.
Therefore
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, they can easily do everything the the future. In conclusion, in my perspective, we should give good examples and teach them about seeing the value of others.
Thus
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, everybody in
society
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 plays an essential role in developing
society
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Submitted by name79sinlapa on

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task achievement
While your essay covers the topic adequately, consider elaborating a bit more on each point to ensure a fuller response. Adding more examples for each point can also strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is mostly coherent, but try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows smoothly into the next. To improve cohesion, use more transition words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is a bit brief. Summarize your main points more clearly and reinforce your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You clearly stated the topic and purpose of the essay in the introduction, making it immediately clear what your essay will discuss.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which is essential for a strong argument.
coherence cohesion
You divided your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing different aspects of the issue.
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