IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think news has no connection to people's lives, so it is a waste of time to read the news in newspapers and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #news #connection #lives #waste #time #newspapers #television #programs
Some
people
 assume that consuming information daily through newspapers and
news
 channels serves them no purpose. I completely disagree with the aforementioned statement and will explain my reasonings in
following
Add an article
the following
show examples
 passage.
Firstly
, in order for us to survive in
this
 world, we need to be aware of what is happening around us, so that we can
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
well informed
Add a hyphen
well-informed
show examples
 decisions for our problems.
Also
,
News
 is the only way in which we can know what is happening in
other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
show examples
 of the World.
This
 way, we can lend our hands to the
people
 who are in need of assistance.
For example
, recently, there was a war between Iran and Iraq, so many lost their lives and numerous
people
 lost their loved ones.
In addition
,
people
 ended up being in
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
 of these countries. They were going through a rough time and did not have any resources
with in
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 their homeland. It was through
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
,
many
Correct word choice
that many
show examples
people
 around the globe were able to supply
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, clothes, medicine and other necessary items through
NGO's
Change noun form
NGOs
show examples
.
Secondly
, information can be
broadcasted
Wrong verb form
broadcast
show examples
with
Change preposition
within
show examples
 in fraction of
Correct article usage
a minutes
show examples
minutes
Fix the agreement mistake
minute
show examples
 with the help of technology these days. The
news
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 spreads faster than light and many
mishap
Change to a plural noun
mishaps
show examples
 can be prevented. To illustrate, during
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
people
 from the
west
Capitalize word
West
show examples
 telecasted
news
 and advised every nation to
bad
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
travel as the disease was dangerously contagious.
This
 helped many nations
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia, the
New-zealand
Correct your spelling
Zealand
, the South Korea to keep the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 cases bare minimum. Even though, we come across exaggerated
news
, rumours and fake
information's
Change noun form
information
show examples
 now and
then
, I am of the opinion that, we can not omit consuming
news
 completely as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 us informed.
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea, and the progression from one paragraph to the next should be logical and smooth. Also, ensure to wrap up your essay with a concise conclusion.
task achievement
Make sure to address potential counterarguments or opposing views. This will demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic and enhance the depth of your argument. Given the complexity of the task, your essay does well, but incorporating a broader range of ideas and perspectives could strengthen your argument further.
language accuracy
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and word choices. Slightly more precise vocabulary and grammatical accuracy would make your ideas clearer and more impactful. Additionally, varying sentence structures could improve readability and engagement.
task achievement
You offer relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which makes your essay compelling and grounded in real-world situations.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines what you intend to discuss, and the examples provided are clear and pertinent to the points you are making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Informed
  • Current events
  • Public awareness
  • Local news
  • Global issues
  • Sensationalism
  • Misinformation
  • Bias
  • Community
  • Public safety
  • Health advisories
  • Market trends
  • Traffic updates
  • Weather forecasts
  • Educate
  • Raise awareness
  • Opinion formation
  • Decision making
What to do next:
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