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Band 4.5

The range and quality of food have improved with the development of technology and scientific advances. Some people think it is good, and others think it is harmful. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#range #quality #food #development #technology #advances #people
The innovative
Correct article usage
Innovative
show examples
 technologies and scientific inventions have led us to enhance the
production
 and quality of
crops
 that we grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Although
 some
people
 argue that producing
food
 using
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 is dangerous to human health, I believe that it helps in satisfying the growing
food
 needs. Perhaps some
people
 argue that preparing
food
 using new
techniquies
Correct your spelling
techniques
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 harmful because many farmers use artificial mannuers to increase the
production
 of
crops
. Biologically tested methods can
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
production
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 these are
artificial
Add an article
the artificial
an artificial
show examples
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 by which chemical substances change
biological
Correct article usage
the biological
show examples
 traits of the seeds.
Hence
,
this
 may have some side effects for humans who consume these foods.
For instance
, in India, many agricultural producers buy synthetic
mannuers
Correct your spelling
manners
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their fields, which
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 output of the harvested
crops
, and eventually, they gain a huge profit.
Conversely
, some proponents argue that involving scientific techniques is essential because they can obtain more
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 in a smaller space. Implementation of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 technology is crucial because there is a huge demand for
food
crops
 as many cities are widening and the agricultural lands are
recovered
Add a missing verb
being recovered
show examples
 and
destroy
Wrong verb form
destroyed
show examples
 for that.
As a result
, there is a lack of
food
 for all citizens. Vertical
farmings
Fix the agreement mistake
farming
show examples
 and Aquaphonics,
for example
, help
in increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 the
food
production
 necessary for
people
 to satisfy their needs, where
crops
 and fish
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mutually
benefitted
Verb problem
benefit
show examples
 one another. The fish wastes help
crops
 to acquire nutrients from
vegetations
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetation
show examples
, and plants
purifies
Change the verb form
purify
show examples
 the water by removing toxic substances from it.
Therefore
, it is called symbiotic farming technique, which is
develop
Change the form of the verb
developed
show examples
 based on science to solve
food
 problems. In conclusion, I believe that using scientific methods to grow foods is essential because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
produce
Wrong verb form
be produced
show examples
 in large
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
show examples
while
 some
people
 believe
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 dangerous to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 as they can cause some side effects over a period of time.
Submitted by prasadjul1986 on

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Task response
Work on addressing both sides of the argument more equally. You provide a better explanation for the benefits of technological advancements in food production compared to the drawbacks. Make sure to balance your essay with equally strong points for both views.
Task response
You should aim to improve the clarity and specificity of the examples provided. For example, the example about India could be expanded with more detail on how synthetic manures impact human health over time. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Consider using more cohesive devices such as 'furthermore,' 'however,' 'on the other hand,' etc., to improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings in your essay. For instance, 'the production and quality of crops that we grow up' should be 'the production and quality of crops we grow.' Pay attention to grammar and syntax in your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a good structure.
Task response
You provide a solid argument supporting the benefits of technology in food production, particularly with the concept of vertical farming and aquaponics.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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