IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that companies should increase the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
products
Use synonyms
 with high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
 to mitigate associated
health
Use synonyms
 issues. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 proposal since it is impossible to make every sugary product more expensive and crimes could be encouraged. To commence with, it should be remembered that
sugar
Use synonyms
 exists in almost all kinds of
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
, even in natural ones like fruits and nuts. If
this
Linking Words
 suggestion is accepted and
food
Use synonyms
 providers increase the prices of their
products
Use synonyms
, every single product may have to have its
cost
Use synonyms
rise
Use synonyms
, as they contain either natural or artificial sweeteners.
This
Linking Words
 may not bring about the desired effect as
people
Use synonyms
 might consider the
rise
Use synonyms
 in the
cost
Use synonyms
 of sweet
products
Use synonyms
 as financially related and not for bettering their
health
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, they might continue to consume the insidious sweet
products
Use synonyms
 as they usually do.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there is a sudden
rise
Use synonyms
 in the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 and beverages which is rich in
sugar
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 will likely think the
cost
Use synonyms
 of raw
sugar
Use synonyms
 has surged and will keep purchasing the
food
Use synonyms
 or
drink
Use synonyms
. Another reason for not making sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more expensive is that it encourages crimes
such
Linking Words
 as robberies and shoplifting.
This
Linking Words
 is primarily because even though being detrimental to
people
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 still plays a vital role in ensuring the human body functions properly and preventing us from certain ailments.
In other words
Linking Words
, human needs it to survive and live healthily.
Food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 with higher costs may not be affordable for those with low income and they may end up robbing it to maintain their
health
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when fruits were made pricier in Vietnam, many poor
people
Use synonyms
 robbed them from the local market since they could not afford them. In conclusion, making sugary
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 costs more may not lead to the
wanted
Verb problem
desired
show examples
 result since
people
Use synonyms
 might keep buying the
products
Use synonyms
 and there may be a
rise
Use synonyms
 in the crime rate.
Submitted by tranbaongoc231007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly structure your essay by logically organizing your argument with a clear introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a concise conclusion. Use cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through your points seamlessly.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt by presenting a clear opinion on the issue, backing up your view with relevant examples, and addressing the counterarguments. Your task response needs to clearly answer every part of the question.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: