Topic: Scientists agree that many people eat too mucch junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Lots of researches illustrate that there is an increase in the population consuming fast
food
, which affects negatively their health. Whether this
matter can be dealt with by education
or not is a controversial topic. Although
many people
argue that this
solution is possible, this
writer opposes this
opinion due to
the service and addictive substances of junk food
.
It should be acknowledged that junk food
contains numerous addictive substances. As these meals are usually high in saturated fats and added sugars, the flavour is appealing and attractive, which makes consumers obsessed with them. Because of this
fact, people
tend to eat more in spite of knowing its detrimental impact on their health. Taking the USA as an example, there is a high rate of citizens who are obese. Hence
, education
cannot solve properly this
issue.
However
, some individuals argue that educating people
since they are children about fast food
’s impact is efficient. In other words
, teenagers are able to understand its
danger and avoid it. Change the word
the
Although
this
idea has its own logic, it is difficult to prevent humans from their desire to try new things. Additionally
, due to
companies’ colourful advertisements, children are persuaded to give it a try and find it hard to resist. Thus
, there must be additional policies, not only education
, to change consumer behaviour.
From a personal perspective, fast food
is popular because of companies’ services. Not only is it fast to serve customers,
the affordable price Add the word(s)
, but
also
attracts residents to pay for them rather than choosing healthy meals. According to
a survey in Australia, the majority of participants chose to grab a snack on their go to satisfy their carvings.
Taking all into consideration, education
is not efficient enough to deal with this
problem. Hence
, local authorities should come up with strategies to make junk food
less tempting to people
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task response
To improve your essay, make sure to address both sides of the argument more evenly. You have focused more on why education may not be effective, but spend an equal amount of time discussing why some people believe it could work.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance logical flow by making clear transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For example, use linking words like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' and 'On the other hand,' to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your points. This could help to illustrate the validity of your arguments and make them more compelling to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task response
You have developed some clear and comprehensive ideas, particularly regarding the addictive nature of junk food and the impact of advertising on children.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?