Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarket in the area. How does this effect local community? How could this situation be improved?

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The predominant number of local businesses are increasingly being closed
due to
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the incapability to compete with a big market. The residents can be affected badly by losing their income and government-sponsored programs should be implemented to advance the situation. The fundamental effect of the closure of small organisations on local communities can be seen in the loss of jobs, which has knock-on effects on the
overall
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welfare. Not only can inhabitants be deprived of their earnings, but they
also
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encounter struggles with both emotional and financial conditions.
Furthermore
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, they may end up accumulating significant debts, losing their self-confidence and deteriorating their relationships with acquaintances.
For example
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, statistics from the Ministry of Finance of Kazakhstan prove that 65% of citizens in towns, who have launched small businesses, have a tendency to cease their initiatives after one and a half years. The viable solution to improve concern is government-sponsored initiatives to support and raise the awareness of entrepreneurs. The state officials facilitate the wellness of citizens by providing subsidies and affordable taxes for new founders.
Moreover
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, the owners and managers of large supermarkets should be encouraged to hold business workshops by the state, allowing residents to maintain valuable strategies and knowledge about income-increasing methods. Entrepreneurs can take advantage of ownership, creating exquisite and unique products for the public.
For instance
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, China is considered to be the most convenient and supportive country for small
store-owners
Correct your spelling
store owners
show examples
. The state governors offering profitable suggestions could decrease the rate of the closure of minor organisations and popularise not only big markets but
also
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stores with authentic manufactured items in a global range. In conclusion, the proportion of minor organisations closing is increasingly rising
due to
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the inability to cope with larger companies. The deprivation of their earnings can be the primary consequence to the community and initiatives originated by launched by the government can improve the situation.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the main issues, but make sure to use more specific terms rather than general phrases like 'big market'. This will enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
While your points are logically organized, adding clearer linking words or phrases between sentences and paragraphs could improve flow significantly. Consider words like 'Moreover' or 'Additionally' to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your claims, especially in the second paragraph. This will not only strengthen your argument but also engage the reader more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents relevant ideas about the effects of local shop closures on the community and suggests solutions, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the need for government intervention, showcasing good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • closure
  • local employment
  • economic distress
  • community identity
  • homogenized
  • personalized service
  • local suppliers
  • business support
  • convenience
  • self-organization
  • foster
  • resilience
  • artisans
  • initiatives
  • consumer behaviour
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