IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Details of politicians private lives should not be published in newspaper. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#politicians #lives #newspaper
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been a debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 offstage information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 politicians should be kept away from the media. In my opinion, I strongly advocate that argument as I believe everyone should have the right to keep their personal lives private. There has been an
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 trend in using hot and rare images or pieces of news
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 media to attract viewers, and the details of the lawmakers' privacy are no exceptions. Paparazzi would resort to any method to acquire the pictures, regardless of the potential danger it may cause. The painful event of
princess
Capitalize word
Princess
show examples
 Diana was one of the loudest
alarm
Fix the agreement mistake
alarms
show examples
, as it showcased the fatal consequences of the desperate effort to publish the private details of people involved in politics.
Hence
, there should be certain regulations to prevent similar future events.
In addition
, publishing
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
 information of those lawmakers could be troublesome, as it will expose them to the risk of being harmed.
For example
, family members of those public officers may be kidnapped and the criminals may request
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ransoms or demand
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
amendments of certain
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
.
Hence
, the protection of the private lives of people in the law
systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
show examples
 is essential to avoid
such
 unfortunate situations. In conclusion, the private matters of the congressman and congresswoman should not be available freely on printed media, as it will protect their lives
as well as
 their loved ones.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all arguments and points are clearly supported with specific and relevant examples. Providing more detailed examples will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors to ensure clarity and professionalism in writing. Proofreading your work can help catch such errors.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, making the structure of the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task response with a strong stance and sufficient arguments supporting the viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: