Nowadays, there is more ane more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?
Today, getting into university has become a challenging guest for high schoolers because of its higher competition compared to the past. From my point of view,
this
issue has positive and negative effects on the health of both individuals and countries.
When it comes to individuals, one of the major drawbacks of increasing struggles in the academy is the pressure on students. Struggles often lead to higher levels of stress, anxiety and mental health issues. In addition
, they have lots of sleepless nights and exhaustion because of overpressure from their peers. To cite an instance, their parents put deep pressure on their children, teenagers who are more and more stressed may negatively affect the admissions results. Thus
, this
negative impact on mental health can hinder admissions’ overall
development and well-rounded growth.
On the other hand
, there are two main reasons for the positive development of this
matter. Firstly
, competition can motivate teenagers to strive for excellence and exploit their potential. Especially, when faced with a highly competitive environment, students are aware of becoming more focused, hard-working and having an apparent goal for their future. Therefore
, high schoolers, who have experienced competitiveness during their educational institution admissions process, will perform a higher level of effort. Secondly
, in terms of societies, many large organizations namely universities, companies and the government have much more talented recruitments resulting in the rapid improvement of the economy of several countries. International enlistments are the best example of this
phenomenon. When they try to get scholarships in order to support their finances while
studying, these countries may have talented resources to enhance their progress.
In conclusion, struggles to get into university increase stress levels among teenagers in spite of more importantly fostering personal growth. For individuals, they must learn how to manage their anxiety because it will prepare them for greater achievement later in their lives as well.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the task, but you need to work on presenting your arguments more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea, especially the last body paragraph which seems a bit broad and mixes individual and societal impacts.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
You need to further elaborate on some points, and provide more specific examples. For instance, when you mention parents putting pressure on their children, you could give an example of a common situation to make your point stronger.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and directly addresses the topic. This sets a good foundation for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear final viewpoint, reinforcing your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay presents a balanced view of both positive and negative aspects of university competition, showing an ability to consider multiple sides of an issue.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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