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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays the crime rate among young people is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done by parents and teachers to reduce it?

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Nowadays, the number of crimes that youngsters are involved in has been increasing, because of violent TV shows and movies which adversely affect the youth’s attitudes and behaviours, and
also
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parents
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’ attention to their
children
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 has flown these days
due to
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 their busy work schedules. There are a number of solutions to tackle
this
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 problem, including controlling what your kids watch and lessening family
time
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. Movies and shows that frequently show allegations and fights have become increasingly popular among young people as
such
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 adolescents threaten others shown in the movies and bully someone who looks weak. These actions
then
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 could lead to a rise
of
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in
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 criminal levels within the community.
In addition
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 to that,
parents
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 no longer pay attention to their youths as they have to make money to cover the costs. In consequence, young folk are surrounded by wrong crowds who persuade them to do illegal actions. In order the reduce the violations by adolescents, teachers and
parents
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 should work together and set sophisticated educational programs and proper communication methods between them to exchange information instantly.
Moreover
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, with applications and other platforms,
parents
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 can remotely manage and control the video streams and
time
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 that their
children
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 are watching which helps their
children
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 away from unwelcome influence from third parties.
For example
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, if
children
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 behave improperly, helping to let them know their bad attitudes and involving them in community service to assist people are more effective approaches because they acknowledge their positive contribution to people. In conclusion, the number of youngsters who have done illegitimate actions has increased over the several period.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that negative influences of social media and streams and less family
time
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. Limiting their screen
time
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 and appropriate encouragement by the teachers and
parents
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 can solve
this
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 issue.

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Coherence and Cohesion
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Task Achievement
While your essay addresses the task effectively, including a broader range of specific examples and data could add depth to your argument and further boost your score in task achievement.
Introduction & Conclusion
You've done a great job in presenting a clear introduction and conclusion that outlines the main topic and your standpoint concisely.
Supported Main Points
Your essay exhibits strength in developing supported main points with reasoning and examples, demonstrating an understanding of the topic at hand.
Complete Response
You have provided a complete response to the prompt, addressing both parts of the question adequately. Keep focusing on ensuring all parts of the task are covered to maintain this strong aspect of your writing.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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