IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. Is this a positive or negative development?

#fuel #source #energy #countries #alternative #sources #development
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Given the environmental problems associated with fossil fuel combustion, many countries have prioritized developing and using sustainable
sources
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 of
energy
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.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of
this
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 tendency before concluding that
this
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 is indeed a beneficial advancement. On the one hand, using sustainable
sources
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 of power is disadvantageous to some extent. First and foremost, the enormous cost incurred to research and introduce renewable
sources
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 would put a strain on government coffers.
As a result
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,
this
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 could lead to budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced social welfare, thereby forcing ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, to struggle even more to earn a living.
Furthermore
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, eco-friendly
energy
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 is heavily dependent on external conditions.
For instance
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,
wind
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energy
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 and solar
energy
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 cannot be stored, which means if there is no sunlight or
wind
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, the flow of
energy
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 can be disrupted.
On the other hand
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, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that using alternative
energy
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 is a worthwhile investment
due to
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 the great benefits it brings. One rationale is that replacing coal and petroleum with
wind
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 or solar power could contribute to reducing atmospheric emissions.
This
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 could improve air quality and reduce the incidence of cancer or respiratory diseases. Another justification is the endless supply of eco-friendly
energy
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sources
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. In fact,
while
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 oil and coal are finite resources and take millions of years to replenish,
energy
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 from
wind
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 and solar could never run out. In conclusion, even though it is irrefutable that green
energy
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sources
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 could give rise to a number of adverse implications, I would contend that they will one day become an irreplaceable part of human society.
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task achievement
While the essay is strong overall, providing more specific data or studies to back up your points about costs and environmental benefits could strengthen your arguments even further. Try integrating some concrete statistics or real-world examples.
coherence cohesion
You did a great job organizing your essay logically. However, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain a seamless flow. A few more transitional phrases between ideas could enhance this aspect.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your argument easily.
task achievement
Your argument is clear and you have successfully presented both sides of the issue before concluding with your own opinion. This demonstrates a balanced understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy sources
  • wind, solar, and hydroelectric power
  • sustainable solution
  • finite resources
  • inexhaustible
  • economic growth
  • renewable energy infrastructure
  • health benefits
  • respiratory diseases
  • energy independence
  • energy security
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