Some people think that sports involving violence such as boxing and martial arts should be banned from TV as well as from international sports competition. what is your opinion?

#people #sports #violence #arts #tv #competition

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It is thought by some

people

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that violent

sports

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such

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as boxing and martial arts need to be banned from televisions

as well as

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from all international

sports

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competitions

while

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others believe it should be allowed to continue. In

this

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essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that violent

sports

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provide our society with numerous downsides.

Firstly

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people

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who watch them from TV programmes can absorb and get familiar with violent behaviours.

For instance

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, children who always watch boxing matches try to do the same aggressive moves

such

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as kicks or punches

while

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they are playing with their friends in school.

As a result

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, It is highly possible that they will cause injuries to their friends.

Secondly

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, these types of

sports

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can lead to betting and gambling in communities because live broadcasting is easy to access. Making some of them lose their

saving

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savings

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money within a single night.

On the other hand

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, there are several advantages of these

sports

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people

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who are interested in them. In the first place, citizens from all around the world can learn and study the relationship between

sports

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and countries.

For example

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, in Thailand, Muay Thai is considered to be a national martial art of defence and it was used to protect the country from neighbour invasions over a century ago, bringing victory to Thailand.

Furthermore

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, they are one of the growth of economic factors.

People

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all around the world are willing to spend a lot of cash on travelling abroad to learn about martial arts in their motherland.

Therefore

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, they can offer jobs to the locals in those areas,namely boxing teachers and gym owners.

Overall

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, violent

sports

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have both

the

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apply

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positive and negative effects on society. From my point of view, I slightly disagree with

this

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idea

due to

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the fact that some of them have a good historical relationship

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with

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their countries.

Besides

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, it is better to preserve and pass them on to the next generations by TV broadcasting or allowing them to be in international

sports

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competitions.

Submitted by nnatthinee on Tue May 21 2024

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grammar

Some sentences have minor grammatical issues which slightly affect clarity. For instance, the phrase 'Making some of them lose their saving money within a single night.' should be 'causing some of them to lose their savings in a single night.'

conclusion

Try to extend the conclusion to reinforce your overall argument and capture the essence of both viewpoints discussed.

coherence

Ensure every argument is clearly linked to a central thesis. Some points feel slightly disjointed from the main argument.

balanced view

The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the potential negative and positive impacts of violent sports.

examples

You've used relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as the reference to Muay Thai in Thailand.

structure

The introduction and conclusion are clear, helping to frame the overall argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

346 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Violent sports
Boxing
Martial arts
International sports competition
Cultural tradition
Economic impact
Revenue
Freedom of viewership
Safety regulations
Desensitization
Negative role modeling
Physical benefits
Discipline
Self-defense
Fitness
Permissible violence
Media influence

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Some people think that sports involving violence such as boxing and martial arts should be banned from TV as well as from international sports competition. what is your opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation, Describe some of the problems over reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast transport for cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with.What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large numbers of toys.

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.