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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Virtual reality be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Virtual
reality
Use synonyms
 has become a useful method for therapeutic purposes and psychological disorders treatments
according to
Linking Words
 some experts. I completely agree with its use to change the mindset and identify the appropriate treatment. Primarily, being able to manipulate the thought process of the human mind, virtual
reality
Use synonyms
 is a useful technique. Since
this
Linking Words
 equipment creates an artificial environment, efforts are made by the human
brain
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 to accommodate these situations. After getting the number of sessions, people not only accommodate these situations but
also
Linking Words
 improve their
brain
Use synonyms
 functioning which can sometimes be impossible with pharmacological methods.
For example
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, a survey report depicts that people who are diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, feel more lively after taking the virtual
reality
Use synonyms
 sessions as they get exposure to the same incident but under a controlled environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it substantiates that it has therapeutic effects.
Besides
Linking Words
 averting the cognitive process,
this
Linking Words
 tool is beneficial in finding a suitable cure for psychiatric patients. To justify, these gadgets record the
brain
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 waves which explains the functions of various
brain
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 areas, and the specialists can diagnose the patient more accurately. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the patient can avail a suitable treatment, resulting in a sound mind.
For instance
Linking Words
, Psychiatrists were not able to differentiate schizophrenic patients from other lunatics with similar symptoms before the advent of the virtual
reality
Use synonyms
 technique, and these days doctors can recommend the exact cure for different mental issues with the assistance of
this
Linking Words
 technique. In conclusion, owing to changing cognitive processes and identifying accurate treatment methods, I am in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of virtual
reality
Use synonyms
 as it plays a significant role in therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments.

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job responding to the task. It clearly states your position and provides supporting arguments. However, you could benefit from extending your discussion points a bit further. Adding more depth to each argument would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
While your main ideas are supported well, there are some minor coherence issues. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain a logical flow. You can achieve this by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Some parts of your essay could use a little more elaboration. For instance, the example about schizophrenic patients is great, but explaining how the VR technique works in these cases would make your point even clearer.
coherence cohesion
Remember to paraphrase the topic sentence better to make your essay sound less repetitive. This will help in engaging the reader from the beginning more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in presenting your arguments in an organized manner.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples which significantly bolster your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive environments
  • anxiety
  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • phobia
  • exposure therapy
  • controlled setting
  • desensitization
  • social anxiety
  • stress reduction
  • real-time monitoring
  • therapeutic interventions
  • mental health treatments
  • digital divide
  • accessibility
  • cost-effectiveness
  • innovative solutions
  • face-to-face interactions
  • traditional therapeutic settings
  • gradual confrontation
  • calming environments
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