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Band 7.5

Some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purpose #school #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
The significance of
education
 has been highlighted over the past decades. From
this
 aspect, questions about whether the main aim of
school
 is to turn
children
 into civilised citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals arise. In my opinion, the main purpose of
school
 is to turn
children
 into good citizens and workers to some extent. Irrefutably,
education
 improves national human resources.
This
 is because
children
 can learn various knowledge in
subjects
such
 as science, mathematics, and literature through
education
.
This
 obviously leads to enhancing an interest in careers related to their favorite modules and
this
 in turn allows them to have a wanted job in the future. What is more,
although
 the influence of home
education
 cannot be ignored,
children
 experience several parts of society at
school
. To exemplify, they have to attend class on a daily basis, struggle with difficult
subjects
, and compete with classmates to gain high scores.
This
,
therefore
, brings about easy adaptation to real society.
Nevertheless
,
school
 educations focus on the prime
subjects
.
In other words
, since
children
 are forced to learn limited modules, they have low opportunities for minor
subjects
such
 as ethics, arts, and physical training, so they are less likely to enjoy valuable activities related to minor
subjects
.
To conclude
,
school
education
 focuses on the prime
subjects
 but
children
 can learn various knowledge in
subjects
such
 as science, mathematics, and literature through
education
 and
children
 experience several parts of society at
school
.
Thus
, the main purpose of
school
 is to turn
children
 into good citizens and workers.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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Structure
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents your viewpoint on the topic and that the conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your position.
Argument development
To provide a more balanced view, consider dedicating specific examples or a paragraph to how schools might also benefit individuals beyond preparing them for citizenship and work.
Coherence
Consider integrating transitions more fluidly between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas for the reader.
Lexical Resource
Explore a wider range of vocabulary related to education and societal contribution to enrich your discussion.
Structure
You've done a great job providing a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Supporting examples
You effectively use examples to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • shaping
  • developing
  • unique talents
  • potential
  • well-rounded
  • academic
  • social
  • emotional development
  • personal growth
  • contribute positively
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • individuality
  • happier and more fulfilled
  • strike a balance
  • preparing students for the workforce
  • nurturing
  • individual needs
  • pursue passions and interests
  • thrive
  • future professionals
  • community institutions
  • shape community values
  • foster civic engagement
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