Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The artistic field is becoming necessary in
adolescent's
Change noun form
adolescent
show examples
development as other classes
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
meant to be compulsory in higher education.
This
writer agrees with
this
view by leading to the comprehensive development of the younger. The primary reason behind
this
could be the encouragement for children to develop their own talents and abilities. To be blunt, there is majority of students are impressed by paintings and drawings that can be seen as being adept in imagining,
colour
Wrong verb form
colouring
show examples
and describing subjects or their thoughts
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
proven to be of the intelligent side of the human brain and need to be grown.
Moreover
,
this
ability can help the young with the creative initiation in solving problems in reality which is one of the most important soft skills for individuals.
For example
, in case of being lost in stress, the artistic learners can transform them into motivation or even a piece of art. There is a remaining considerable aspect to be noted that learning art classes can be an advantageous experience in finding their own occupation. In the modern world, there is an appearance of many jobs that require drawing skills
such
as architecture or fashion design. In order to achieve goals, the learners should gain expert knowledge of art. In conclusion, artistic affairs in education can play both roles which can be advantageous in enhancing the learner's ability or even have a negative impact on relying too much on
this
subject and forgetting reality especially other subjects
such
as science classes.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While there are clear points made in your essay, there should be more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could discuss how art education has benefited specific individuals or cite studies that illustrate its importance in child development.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are a bit unclear and can confuse the reader. Avoid overly complex sentence structures and keep your points straightforward.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. While your essay is generally well-structured, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, pay attention to grammar and vocabulary use to enhance readability. Simplify sentences where possible to avoid grammatical mistakes.
introduction conclusion
You have introduced the topic well and provided a clear stance on the issue, which is crucial for a strong essay.
introduction conclusion
Your essay's conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reinforces your viewpoint.
supported main points
You've made some good points about the importance of arts education in developing creativity and problem-solving skills, which demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
What to do next:
Look at other essays: