Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children #fault #parents #side

There are different opinions about the problem of

obesity

children

. Some people blame the government for

this

whereas

others, including me, believe it is the parent’s fault. On the one hand,

childern

Correct your spelling

children

suffer from

obesity

, given the essential role of

parents

, which means they have more influence on

children

than others.

Children

are gullible and under the sole custody of

parents

Correct pronoun usage

their parents

show examples

, so they imitate their parent’s

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and imbibe their qualities into them in almost all aspects of their early life.

therefore

, if

parents

have unhealthy

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

and indulge in fast food consumption, their

children

are likely to

encourage

Wrong verb form

be encouraged

show examples

to consume

such

food.

Consequently

such

unhealthy

Correct article usage

an unhealthy

show examples

eating diet can expose them to various diseases, including diabetes, cardiovascular,

obesity

Correct word choice

and obesity

show examples

On the other hand

, the responsibility for childhood

obesity

can

attribute

Wrong verb form

be attributed

show examples

government’s

Correct article usage

the government’s

show examples

inadequate investment in healthcare. Insufficient access to healthcare services, particularly, prevention care and nutritional education, has created

barrier

Fix the agreement mistake

barriers

show examples

for childhood

obesity

effectively. The high costs associated with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

treatment and

obesity

medications exacerbate

this

issue, as individuals often cannot afford

such

costs and

as a result

avoid seeking help from weight loss centers.

While

some argue that the government is responsible for the rise in

obesity

due to

its failure to prioritize healthcare investment, I do not consider

this

a valid reason because fathers and mothers have the key role for their

children

and their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

may have more impact on them. In conclusion,

although

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

and

parents

, in

turns

Fix the agreement mistake

turn

show examples

, have a responsibility to

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

involve

children

in physical issues, I would argue that fathers and mothers have

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

valuable role owing to their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

reflects

Wrong verb form

reflecting

show examples

their upbringing.

Submitted by hongminh317 on Tue May 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve the use of transition statements between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of the essay. For example, you can use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect ideas better.

task achievement

Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct use of possessive forms. For instance, 'childern suffer' should be 'children suffer' and 'parents have unhealthy lifestyle' should be 'parents have unhealthy lifestyles'.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.

task achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?

In some countries , the government promote public transportation and discourage the private vehicles what are the advantage and disadvantages?

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. Others say that economic growth is damaging the environment and must stop now. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

It is a commonly held belief that the death penalty is a good deterrent to prevent heinous crimes. However, others believe that life long sentence is a better deterrent. Discuss both views

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In about 300 words, give examples to support your ideas.