Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this approach outweigh its disadvantages?
Yes, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of providing technology companies with personal data in exchange for access to online
software
services, because people benefit from various online materials such
as online financial management and communication via the internet, and the risk of leakage of important information
is minimized by countermeasures.
There are some risks of leaking information
such
as private and confidential information
when you provide personal data to a certain company instead
of using software
materials; there are online hackers around everywhere and they always seeking ways to steal such
important information
through the personal accounts of individuals once they successfully gain personal names, call numbers, or email addresses they use that information
to make a profit or fraud and telemarketing calls. For instance
, there have been several cases of cyber terrorism toward bank accounts, and sometimes, people lose money because of falling into a rabbit hole of fraud or are annoyed by tenacious telemarketing calls afterwards. However
, these problems can be fought back against by security reinforcement and caution notifications for customers.
On the other hand
, we benefit a lot from various kinds of online software
content both in our lives and work styles; online financial management and communication via the Internet have made our daily lives much easier and made our working hours shorter than before. For example
, we can manage bank accounts online, purchase almost anything online, and even work at home without commuting, which has created more leisure time for many people. Likewise
, through various kinds of services, our lives and working environment have been dramatically improved to the extent we cannot do without them.
In conclusion, the advantages of gaining easy access to many types of software
far outweigh the disadvantages of information
leakage such
as fraud and telemarketing calls because these problems are manageable by reinforcement of cyber security and notification for customers.Submitted by kana_ayaki on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer distinction between advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs. This would enhance clarity and make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
While you have provided relevant examples, incorporating more specific statistics or studies would lend greater weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures a bit more. This not only makes your writing more engaging but also demonstrates a higher level of linguistic proficiency.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly indicating your position on the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have effectively communicated your main points and provided relevant examples, which contributes positively to the overall task achievement.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...