In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behaviours. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many teachers around the world seem to have difficulty dealing with the inappropriate behaviour of children. I believe that the primary reasons come from the declining support from parents and their growing dependence on digital devices in daily life. Practical solutions
such
as the education of social manners and information literacy will be necessary to promote their responsible acts in the future. The major reason for the growing difficulty of schools in managing students originates from the increasing negligence of their parents in taking care of them.
In other words
, more young adults are left alone without sufficient help and guidance from their adults, who are often busy with their own work and unable to come home until late.
This
leads to the escalation of their laziness, violence and other misconducts
as a result
of excessive amounts of solitary time.
Furthermore
, schools should continue to stress the importance of manners and morality so they become more responsible for their own acts to encourage them to seek the greater benefits of people as they learn to correct their wrongdoings and respect others. Another significant cause behind the rising number of child delinquents is the prevalent use of digital devices, which creates more SNS troubles
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
friends than in the past. As various SNS sites including Instagram and Facebook have become dominant sources of communication among young adults,
such
troubles have increased dramatically, for which teachers have to spend an incredible amount of time.
Therefore
, lessons for information literacy should be provided to students in order for them to acquire a fundamental understanding of the effect of their actions on others
as well as
some serious consequences from unsupervised contact with strangers whose ID can be fake. In conclusion, many teachers have a struggling experience in dealing with issues of children whose wrongdoings escalate
due to
their increasing separation from their parents and their growing SNS troubles as digital devices have become primary sources of communication among them.
Thus
, schools are expected to put importance on social manners and information literacy to promote their sense of responsibility.
Submitted by mizuho on

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task achievement
You've provided a strong response to the task, covering both the causes and solutions effectively. However, to aim for a higher score, try including more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, which helps with the overall flow. To further improve, ensure every point directly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing clear context and summary.
task achievement
You have supported your main points well, which adds depth to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • disruptive behaviour
  • disciplinary problems
  • peer pressure
  • mental health
  • cultural factors
  • extracurricular activities
  • supervision
  • guidance
  • exposure
  • overcrowded classrooms
  • violent content
  • adolescents
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • boredom
  • misbehaviour
  • inappropriate content
  • media influence
  • stress management
  • conflict resolution
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